Queer as Folk U.S.
The Dangers Of Sex And Drugs

Episode Report Card
Pamie: B- | Grade It Now!
Sweet Pickle and Me!

Y'all, this is so gross, right here. Emmett's giving one last jerk-off to the world and it's some kind of open-invitation stadium-seating affair. Everyone from "work" is watching him stroke himself. And if I'm going to pay money to watch jerkatwork.net, I want to see more than just Emmett's face as he's coming. I want to see the dick in action. Emmett pops just as Ted pops some champagne, and Fetch's farewell party is kicking it. I hope Emmett had time to wash his hands. Everyone's applauding and everybody's there. And by everybody, I mean not Lindsay or Melanie or Debbie or Vic or Ben. Or Pickle. Just the people important in Emmett's life are in attendance. Emmett says that even though he's leaving "the business," he won't forget the people he worked with here at this job that led him to his fancy rich-guy boyfriend. Some mostly naked guy calls Emmett an inspiration. Emmett's flattered. He says he's lucky and that this could happen to anybody. He tells them that everybody's prince will come one day. They toast, and Brian makes a joke about Ted making $19.95 for the first fifteen minutes of that coming. Emmett giggles over to his pile of presents. Justin tries not to fall asleep. Actually, it looks like he just bites the inside of his mouth, but I guess I understand what they are trying to convey. Brian asks if he's working tonight. Justin's working 9 PM to 2 AM. Brian notes that Justin can hardly keep his head up. Justin says he'll be fine. Brian says he's sure Justin's Creepy Boss will make sure Justin's fine. Justin gives him a look.

Emmett holds up a product that's not called Dramamine because it would have cost too much money to get Dramamine to have a product placement. And that's what Michael gives Emmett for a going-away present? Cheap bastard. Where's Ben? Ted says that'll "take care of the sex." I don't get it.

Brian offers once again to give Justin the money he needs for school so that he doesn't have to be a cokehead whore stripper. Justin will hear none of it, since he wants to be a cokehead whore exotic entertainer. Justin reminds Brian that he doesn't want Brian's handouts. Do I get to make the handjob joke again if they keep repeating dialogue? For the third episode in a row, Brian calls Justin a "twat." Justin says he's trying to look out for himself. Off-camera, Emmett beams that he got a dictionary of foreign phrases. Ted shouts that now Emmett can learn how to say "fuck me faster" in Farsi. Justin says that Brian always told him to be the best homosexual he could possibly be, so now he's trying to take care of himself and be a man. Brian says that sometimes a man has to learn to accept help. Justin has no answer for that other than tasting his lips.

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Queer as Folk U.S.




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