Meanwhile, back at Babylon, Emmett wanders aimlessly through the crowd. In voice-over, Emmett's thinking, "My God, it's so loud in here, you can barely hear yourself think!" The music quiets down, and Emmett adds, "Oh. That's better." He muses that he doesn't know why he still comes to Babylon, because it's always the same -- he's not interested in the guys who are interested in him, and the guys he's interested in aren't interested in him, and welcome to the world, baby girl. And what the hell is he complaining about? Emmett gets laid all the time. He's always partying down with some random guy while Ted and Mike sulk on the sidelines. And then the crowds part, revealing, at the end, a young man with Emmett's same build, but a floppier haircut. And really, really wide eyes. Suddenly, the music dies down, and is replaced by the instrumental version of "Maria" from the Tony and Maria meet-and-greet scene in West Side Story. Great, there goes another one of my favorite movies, down the drain. Emmett and his doppelganger draw closer, hardly believing their eyes. The lights dim; they lean in, they lean away. They turn their backs on each other and then turn around again, all as I become an angry and embittered young woman. They even extend they arms and snap their fingers at the same time, at which point my head explodes. Thankfully, the music comes back on, and we're back in Babylon, while Emmett and his doppelganger admire each other in awe.
Sheba introduces Officer O'Reilly: "Pretty arresting, don't you think? Officer, I just got a parking ticket -- strip-search me!" Officer O'Reilly, a.k.a. The Black Guy at Babylon, rips off his shirt and gets down to business.
Meanwhile, back at the bar, Demon pontificates, "The problem with this contest is that it exposes the single most tragic flaw of gay culture." Brian laughs that it exposes a lot more than that. Demon continues, "An almost pathological obsession with youth, beauty, and smooth, muscular bodies." Shyeah. And this makes you different from straight guys, how, again? Brian looks at him in bewilderment, and then agrees that that's a damn shame, isn't it? Only he's being sarcastic. Michael looks back and forth between them like it's a tennis match. Demon adds, "Until we break free of our stunted adolescence and our superficial values, we'll always be boys, never men." Again, not seeing any difference between gay men and straight men, but thanks anyway, Mr. Sullivan. Brian sneers some more. Mike pipes up that he thinks that what Demon said is "profoundly insightful." Shut up, Michael. To no one's surprise, Brian snorts that Demon's full of shit: "An opinion put forth as truth by a bunch of hypocritical, jealous, guilt-ridden, self-loathing, middle-aged, sexually-frustrated, pseudo-intellectual fags who wish they were straight." Hmm. Methinks Demon's remarks hit home a little. Demon laughs at Brian. Michael glares at Brian. Babylon's only black patron dances on. Demon asks Brian why he doesn't sign up for the contest, and Brian snaps that he doesn't need to dance around in his underwear in order to get laid. Demon thinks it's because Brian can't handle the competition. (See: previous comment about the concave-chest problem.) Demon chuckles; I chuckle with him, and then gasp in horror and immediately grab Coop's lighter so that I can immolate myself (again, look it up). Brian saunters away. Michael looks like he's worried, but he doesn't know why, and then supposes that Brian's going to sign himself up. Demon's pretty sure he's not. From a swing high above the crowd, Sheba introduces their next contestant: "Mohammed. He's a master yoga instructor from Rick's Gym. He can perform auto-fellatio -- what the fuck's that? If that's giving a blow job in your car, then I'm a master, too!" Ha. Ha. Ha. Mohammed is dressed like a Buddhist monk -- but not for long. He rips off his skirt and twirls around the pole. Did I forget to mention the pole? Anyway, Mohammed's hot, for a professional dancer.