Well, QaF wastes no time working my last nerve: they decided to do this "recap" of the last few episodes, see? Because it's been such a long hiatus and they don't realize that most of you spent it watching your tapes of the show over and over. So, they start with Brian, "who won't let a little thing like his Dad's death [cut to snow-covered graveyard scene] get in the way of good sex [cut to threesome in the loft]." Right away, we have a problem, because the threesome was before the funeral, not after. My God, read the recaps. That's not the point, of course -- the point is to remind you that there's hot gay male sex on this show, and that you should stay tuned for some more hot gay male sex. Got that? Continuity is just getting screwed along with everyone else. And so it goes: we're told that if we think Mike and Dave [cut to them kissinghotgaymalesex] are "copacetic" [That's a big word, and if you don't know what it means, look it up and learn something], then why was Dave caught in the baths [cut to Dave getting caught by Brianhotmalesex]? We're told about Ted saving Blake and taking him in [cut to Ted and Blake kissinghotgaymalesex], and Emmett's not really happy about it, but Ted doesn't care. And Justin? Well, Justin's not going to Dartmouth, he's going to the Pittsburgh Institute of Art. You know, in Pittsburgh? Where the show is set? And then my dinner is endangered when they remind me that he slepthotmalesex with Daphne. Who's not even in this episode, by the way, so thanks for passing the salt, there. They wrap it all up with Brian giving his parental rights away to Melanie, so that she and Lindsay could get back together. They don't mention Guillaume, and that's fine, although I'd rather that they'd mentioned Guillaume than reminded me about Justin and Daphne. And then there's some blather about "but where will all these new beginnings lead?" Well, they will eventually lead to my taking a Caribbean cruise at the beginning of July, so let's get going, shall we?
"One Two Three Four, Shake it, Dude!" Hot! Dancing! Gay! Boys! The opening credits still crack me up.
We open with some oiled-up, musclebound, quite naked young man at a photo shoot, wearing a crown and a velvet-and-ermine cape, and holding a royal orb over the family jewels. They spend enough time on it for us to fully realize that he's naked, wearing a crown and a velvet-and-ermine cape, and holding an orb over the family jewels, and then a little more time for us to wonder why, and then a little more time for us to wonder why this scene is taking so long and go to the fridge and grab a cider and sit back down again. The last shot finally shows him on a poster, announcing the "King of Babylon" contest. We will never see that young man live again. Cut to the poster on the front door of the Liberty Diner, as two patrons enter. In the background, Debbie moves toward another poster in the back -- past The Boys sitting at the counter -- and slaps a big "Tonight" sticker on it. Debbie says that she can't believe it's been a whole year, already, and Justin asks, a year since what? Because, even though he works at the diner every day, and there's, like, at least two posters in the place, and they've probably been up there a few days, it hasn't occurred to him to ask until now, or to realize what she's talking about, despite the fact that she walks right past him with the "Tonight" sticker, and he was looking right at her when she put it on the poster. Emmett explains. Mike, in a non-clever, non-subtle take-off on Miss America, snorts that everyone looks forward to the contest, and a week later no one remembers the winner. Ted remembers last year's winner, though, down to the size of his dick. Surprise! Blake, next to him, wryly asks whether he should be jealous. Ted grins and gives him a sweet kiss. Mike (Hello, Demon!) and Emmett (Hello, GayNoMore!) exchange a skeptical look, because they're really suited to judge. Brian sneers, "Who cares about a bunch of steroid gym bunnies dancing around in their shorts, anyway?" Debbie grins that she'd think he would, since he had sex with all of last year's contestants. Probably didn't even have to convince them that he was a judge first, either. The Boys laugh at Brian's expense. Justin shakes his head and wonders who would do that type of thing. Mike asks, "Who wouldn't fuck Brian?" Shut up, Michael. Justin's already had sex with Brian, like, a gazillion times, unlike you, so that's probably not what he's talking about, huh? Justin clarifies that he meant stripping in front of all of those people. No one said anything about stripping. How does Justin know that the King of Babylon contest has to do with stripping if he apparently didn't even know there was a King of Babylon contest? Oh, wait, he probably made an educated guess. Ted says that the prize is $1000 and a trip to the Bahamas, so, like, a lot of guys would. Out of nowhere, Emmett snorts, "Especially if they're on drugs -- please, they'll do anything." Huh? Where did that come from? Ted glares at Emmett, because, you know, Blake used to be a junkie, and wow, a total non sequitur is such a subtle way for dialogue to create tension, not. Emmett smiles tightly at Blake and apologizes.
Later, The Boys -- plus Blake but minus Justin -- walk to their respective homes/cars. Ted tells them, "Blake acknowledges his addiction, and he's working on it." Blake adds that he's been going to meetings at the Gay and Lesbian Center. Nobody cares. Emmett changes the subject by asking whether they're up for Babylon later on that evening. Mike says that he doesn't know whether Demon's going to want to go, since it's so late. Like Demon would want to go if it's early? Or at all? Brian says something dumb about Demon's being really old. Mike snaps that Demon actually gets up at six every morning to run five miles, while Brian's still in bed. Brian then says something dumb to the effect that bed is where he gets his best cardio workout. So, they haven't fired the intern who writes his lines yet. Oh, well, there's always next season. Although, with my luck, they'll probably make the intern a head writer. If he isn't already. Mike says that he's sure Demon would go if Mike asked him. Brian's like, fine, then make sure he comes. To Babylon, that is. Ahem. Mike's like, fine, I will. Brian's like, fine, and they do that back and forth for a little while, and it's actually pretty funny. Emmett asks Ted whether he and Blake are going, and Ted shrugs that Babylon really isn't a "drug-free environment." Brian growls that Blake's a big boy who can take care of himself. What the hell got up Brian's tutu? Blake adds that he's fine, so I guess that means they'll be there, too. Brian rolls his eyes, because he's satisfied by nothing. Emmett's like, great, and then frowns because it's turning into couples' night, and he's the only one who's single. Brian, undisclosed object firmly up ballet costume, asks what the hell Emmett thinks Brian's status is. On cue, Justin runs up to Brian, grabs his arm, and asks whether they're going to Babylon. Emmett busts up laughing. Brian pushes Emmett down the street.