Brian's. Brian and Justin are making love. Justin, between kisses, says that he and Brian are really lucky: "Every time Michael and Ben have sex, think of all they have to deal with." Brian monotones that it's Michael's decision, and playfully points out a pimple on Justin's ass. Justin's horrified. Brian giggles. Did Brian Kinney just crack a smile during sex? Will wonders never cease? Justin continues, "No matter how long they're together, even if it's forever, they can never do it raw." Brian says that he and Justin don't do that, either. Justin says that they could, if they wanted to, since they're both negative. Brian asks if that's what he wants. Justin says yes. Brian pushes him back on the bed and snarls, "Fuck...yourself. You stupid little twat. Never let anyone fuck you without a condom." Justin's like, you're not just anyone. Yeah, he's just the guy that fucks co-workers on a whim. Random men in the Back Room of Sex. Etc. Brian adds that Ben probably thought the same thing about whoever infected him. I'm kind of digging the PSA quality of this ep, actutally. Brian hands Justin a condom and tells the boy to put it on him. And then he pulls Justin close to whisper, "I want you safe. I want you around for a long time." Fuzzies!
Happy Fun Brunch. Melanie brings a big vase of flowers out into the dining room. Leda's pouting on one of the chairs, wearing her usual leather and denim ensemble, with a handkerchief tied over her head like Axl Rose. Lindsay walks in with her hair pulled back tightly, wearing a white blouse buttoned up to her chin, a straight brown skirt and brown flats. St. L. says that the table looks great, but how does she look? Mel takes one good look and gasps, "Like a fucking nun. What happened to your tits?" Don't worry, I'm sure they're swinging free in there somewhere. Leda grimaces as she picks up an hors d'oeuvres, "Who knew my year working in a piercing salon would come in so handy?" The doorbell rings and Lindsay leaps to answer it. That has to be Tasha and her harp! A harp? But no such, uh, luck. It's Brian. Lindsay's disappointed that he's not the harp. Predictably, Brian snorts, "I'm into fucking, not plucking, and what happened to your tits?" Brian's come to take Gus away from the disaster area as soon as possible. Gus is sitting right next to Leda, who takes the opportunity to introduce herself. Brian grabs the hors d'oeuvres out of her hand and drawls, "Melanie's evil ex." Leda grins, "And you must be the Anti-Christ. Big fan." Hee. Brian takes a sip of something, but Leda tells him not to bother; there's no alcohol in it. Lindsay asks Brian to have Gus back by two, so the sitter can come pick him up. And Brian should wear something nice to the brunch. And shave. Brian grins that his "balls are as clean as a whistle." No, really. Shut up. As Brian's walking out, Tasha and her magical harp walk in. Lindsay asks Leda to "show [Tasha] where to put it", and then runs to answer the ringing phone. Leda grins at Brian. Brian grins back. That one is way too easy. Melanie explains that they're trying to make Lindsay's parents feel at home. Brian suggests caskets in the living room. Leda suggests that everyone wear strap-ons. Then she slides up to Brian to ask if he's ever "been fucked by a dyke with a dildo?" Brian asks if that's an offer. The chemistry between these two is scary. And confusing. And did I mention scary? Melanie snaps, "This is really important to Lindsay, so could both of you keep your fucking foul mouths shut?" Lindsay walks back in and announces that her parents aren't coming. Supposedly, Ron slipped a disk, and "he'll be on his back for days." Brian drawls that he'd like to see that. Lindsay's really upset and screams at him to shut up. See? It's not just me. Leda busts up laughing, and Melanie glares at her before walking up the stairs after St. L.