To make up for the incredibly large amount of missing sex this episode, we're treated to a very slow pan up of Gale Harold's naked body. He's got his leg cocked up to where we can't see the cock. They're playing stupid Science Fiction music here, so I hit the mute button so I can watch the green-blue naked skin in peace. Brian's in a tanning bed. The door yanks open. The camera focuses on a sobbing Melanie. Why would she turn to Brian, of all people, in this time of need? I don't even recognize Mel because she's crying, her hair is poofy, and they don't normally put the lesbians in the Anal Sex Blue Light. Brian says that this reminds him of Alien -- "one of the great AIDS metaphor flicks of all time" -- where Sigourney Weaver (Brian compares Mel to the "über-bitch dyke" character of Ripley) somehow conjured up a monster. "The wedding's off," Mel cries. "You two finally come to your senses?" Brian asks. They have him wearing the suntan goggles because they're creepy. Brian tries to lower the bed back down to finish his basecoat, but Mel rips it back up. "It's because of Lindsay," she cries. Wait. She "cries." Mel has no choice but to throw herself around, literally, and cry into her hands because she's incapable of showing real emotion. She flips back around and tries to cry and stutter, but it's not working so it just looks like when Sally Field freaks out. Except, no tears. We hear the words "Mercury in retrograde" again. "She thinks the wedding's not supposed to happen because...because we're gaaaaaaaaaaaay!" Mel moans, and I'm shaking my head not just at the crappy acting, ridiculous writing, or stupid blue light, but also because we're all still watching this show. And we're watching it to the point that we're kidding ourselves that this show is somehow good. We're so desperate to want this show to be good, to have a good show like this with these kinds of people and the possibilities of groundbreaking, innovative, thought-provoking drama with honest comedy and decent acting that we wait every week praying next time will be the good episode. We'll even consider this one to be a good episode because at least it's not insulting plot-wise. But right here, with the culmination of the bad acting, the naked blue Brian, the cheesy lines, the "God hates a gay" theory combined with the "The Universe hates a gay" theory, all leading to a point where Brian Kinney once again saves the day with a look of utter disdain, I just have to wonder how long we're all going to kid ourselves. How stupid we must look to other people. ["Plus isn't this exactly what happened when Carol and Susan got married on Friends...in 1996?" -- Wing Chun] "Christ," Brian moans. "Send in a faggot to do a dyke's work." He gets up, and Mel averts her eyes from having to see Brian's naughty bits.