Emmett is having his ass consultation. ["In a recap of this show, that really could mean just about anything." -- Wing Chun] The doctor is Lou Pearlman. Pretty much. Just without the albino-asthma thing. He looks through the most unofficial-looking catalog I've ever seen. It's like he's looking at porn boxes to pick the ass he wants. And Emmett's just now getting around to figuring out what kind of ass he'd like? The doctor offers to let Emmett see some sample asses "in the flesh." All the members of his staff have fake butts, and they'd be willing to drop trou so Emmett can squeeze some melons. "Somebody loves his job," Emmett smiles. Dr. Pearlman: "When you work in a bakery, it's hard to resist the buns." Ew. Marching drum music kicks in as three men in matching khaki uniforms line up and shut the office door. Dr. Pearlman tells the boys that "Mr. Honeycutt's" having a hard time making up his mind. Emmett's last name is "Honeycutt"? Why didn't I know that before? The boys all drop their pants. The guy on the far left is either really proud of his ass or really ashamed of it, because he juts his knee way out so he's strutting in place. As we get a close-up, Emmett says that all of the asses are beautiful. The doctor boasts that he did them all himself. "I also did their asses," he says with a very gross side-smirk. And...lawsuit! Oh, shit, this is funny. The diploma framed behind Emmett's head says "College of Cosmetic Surgery." You know, that one. The "Harvard of the Knife," I do believe they call it. Dr. Pearlman must have minored in either TV/VCR repair or Gun Repair. Emmett is shy at first about touching strangers on the ass, but gains confidence with each little piggy. He just about fucks the third one right there in front of us. He talks about stretching out the third ass, and my entire face contorts in horror. Why would you stretch someone's ass out vertically? Okay, with the horizontal, I understand, but he didn't make that hand-motion. Why do I always type the strangest sentences when I recap this show? Is this the first recap in TWoP history that says "She sucks off the girl's strap-on"? Because I think I deserve some kind of prize. ["Obviously you've never read the 7th Heaven recaps. (Just kidding.)" Wing Chun] Dr. Pearlman makes this face at Emmett, and I think he's about to suck on Emmett's head if he's not careful. Wait. I think that's Dennis from Head of the Class. The "sorry, your mom blew up" kid. He's really aged. Emmett isn't sure which ass will look good on him. They skip the obvious joke, and Dr. Creepy offers to show Emmett sample digital imaging photographs for a small fee.