Queer as Folk U.S.
The Wedding

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Mercury's in What Now?

There's a Jamaican-kinda man in the alley, welcoming Michael with a "mon." He's got a blanket covered with statues. Michael says they're beautiful. The Jamaican tells him that they're from this little country near Chad called "Chuck" where his "people" have been living for a very long time, "making love and art." They made these statues themselves. Michael's drawn to one particular female statue that's got drooping titties down to her ankles. I think Michael's never seen a woman naked before, because he thinks the statue is pretty. Also, Michael's never been out of the house before, because you can buy a replica of this statue at Pier One for, like, nine dollars. The Jamaican tells Michael that it's a goddess of love. He tells him that it costs six hundred dollars. What shit do you buy on the street for six hundred dollars? Besides drugs, I mean. Michael stupidly says he's only got five hundred on him. In cash. While he's all alone in this alley. Mr. Jamaica states that he meant six hundred "Chuck Dollars" which translate into five hundred American. Sold to the dumbest bidder.

Brian's going through his wardrobe looking for the perfect clothes to the White Party. I'm assuming he's going to go with white clothes. Call me crazy. Brian throws the clothes at Justin, who complains that he thought Brian's "all-expense-paid fuckfest" was only for the weekend. Brian says that each party has its own theme and a strict dress code. The White Party, the muscle beach party, the Cabana boy contest, and such. As Brian plans out all of the cock he's gonna get, Justin complains about the list of lame things he has to do, like attending the wedding and writing letters to his grandmother. Brian has decided to use his other ticket to bring Justin along. Because nothing helps a weekend of fucking strangers like bringing your boyfriend. Justin thanks him and kisses his neck. He stops: "Shit. What am I going to wear?" Everybody loves themselves some themselves.

Babylon. Hot kissing dancing guys. Our boys are simply staring at their places on the catwalk. What day is it? Mikey's boasting about the gift, but tells Ted it'll have to be a surprise. Brian boasts that he's bought Melanie and Lindsay the best gift of all -- his absence. Emmett brings three pictures of his potential fake ass, asking the boys to pick their favorite. The picture of Emmett playing the Coppertone baby, shocked at how perfect his ass has become, is hysterical. Ben tells Emmett that Ass #1 is just like Michael's. I'm sure Emmett already knows that, since he lived with Michael for a number of years. Brian says that #2 is just like the rear-end of a '72 Impala. Whatever that means. Ted says that #3 is pert and perky, but probably too small for the rest of Emmett's features. Emmett decides to ask the "artist." Justin picks the one with form, function, and good taste. Brian says that Emmett doesn't want an ass with good taste; he wants an ass that tastes good. Emmett thanks Justin and asks if they should go off to dance. Brian says he needs his strength for the White Party. Ted cracks that Brian's so old, he should be going to the Grey Party. Michael tells Brian that he should be going to the wedding. Brian says that Michael can cry for both of them, and then walks off. Michael follows. Ben just stands there, getting as ignored as any of Michael's previous boyfriends.

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Queer as Folk U.S.

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