Queer as Folk U.S.
The Wedding

Episode Report Card
Pamie: C+ | Grade It Now!
Mercury's in What Now?

Strangely, everyone's waiting at Brian's apartment while he's still putting on a robe. How much time passed while Brian walked from the tanning place to his apartment, called everyone he knew, and fucked Justin, before everyone showed up and he decided to wear some clothes? What fucking day is it again? "We have precisely twenty-one hours to get the munchers married," Brian says. A flash of light by a window tells us that it's still "raining" outside. All of the other actors ad-lib "Indignant." Brian says they have to plan the wedding in time for him to make his flight. You know, on Can't-Change- Departure-Time Airlines. Michael and Ted bicker. Brian puts them in charge of staffing and flowers. Who's calling all the guests to tell them that the wedding's in a completely different location? Emmett's in charge of finding a place. Emmett offers the Liberty Baths, since they have a fabulous party room. I would think Emmett would be dancing his about-to-be-sliced ass off at the chance to plan a party. Brian makes another poor decision by asking Debbie to make something for Lindsay to wear. Debbie can't wait to make something with bows and ribbons and squirrel tails. Brian gives her a look, and Debbie vows to try something a little more conservative. Like Sideshow Bob. Vic's in charge of the cake. Vic immediately bails: "My cooking's a recipe for disaster." Can we get one line that doesn't suck? Please? Is that too much to ask? Are high school kids writing these shitty lines, thinking they're the first people to invent a pun? Debbie says Vic'd be great at making the cake, "if they were getting married a year from now." Can't Vic just buy a fucking cake? And when did the cake get fucked up, anyway? Justin says he'll help Vic make the cake. Brian tells everyone to get to work. Ted asks what Brian's doing. Brian puts a ice pack around his face and announces that he's getting his beauty rest. Everyone ad-libs "Wedding Anticipation." New rule: no more ad-libbing. Nobody seems to know how to do it. I can practically hear them mumbling, "Peas and carrots! Peas and carrots!"

Michael corners Brian in his bedroom for Scene We've Already Seen Six Times, where he's all, "I thought you'd rather get laid," and Brian says, "This just lets me get laid in peace." Michael kisses Brian again. Poor Ben.

Emmett calls Zanzibar so we know he's been calling clubs all day long. ["Hee. That's a strip club in Toronto." -- Wing Chun] Zanzibar can't book a wedding for eighty people for tonight. Wait. Tonight? They're changing the wedding day? Or is it the next day? Pickle asks Emmett if he's had any luck. Emmett says he's tried A to Z and there's no such thing as an instant wedding. Pickle asks if he can make a suggestion. Emmett says, "Be my wedding guest." Here's the part where I'm calling total bullshit.

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Queer as Folk U.S.




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