Ted's. Ted's watching a porno from the couch. He looks up as the camera pans over to the other side of the living room, where Brian, Emmett, and Mike hover with concern. Ted hunches down even more and peers up at them with Gollum-like apprehension. Emmett warns his friends not to get too close: "He might ask you to squeeze something." Oh, God, STOP IT, right now! Ted shrugs like, so what's up, guys? Emmett announces that Ted has a problem. Brian's still trying to figure out whether this is a joke. Mike just shakes his head. Ted says they shouldn't worry: "I've got the situation in hand." Uh huh. Ted says that he's just relieving a little tension. Right. I've got this theory that there's a connection between sperm loss and the use of bad puns. Think about it. It would explain a lot. Mike attempts, "Just remember, you have so much to give -- so many gifts." Brian looks over at Michael in disbelief. Seriously, does anyone fall for that? Brian's more or less done and cuts to the chase: "You know what? Fuck this! Get off your ass and go take a shower. You reek. And go find a job." Wounded, Ted protectively clutches his robe around himself. Emmett tries to put a lighter spin on things; he knows that Ted's just having a self-esteem crisis, but he'll be okay. As Emmett and Mike lead Ted to the bathroom, Emmett finishes, "So allow us to love you until you can love yourself." Mike's like, uh, I think he's loved himself enough. Ba-dum-bump. Brian opens up his cell phone and calls his office. He asks for someone named Oliver. Brian starts to pace, but stops when he gets a sticky tissue stuck to the bottom of his shoe. Gack. In a nice bit of physical comedy, Brian tries to shake the tissue loose while setting up an interview for Ted with his agency's accounting department. Brian can't get rid of the tissue. He tries scraping it off on the carpet. Nothing. In minor annoyance, he tries scraping it off on a coffee table leg. No go. And you know there's no way in hell he's reaching down and ripping it off. Brian hangs up the phone and tells Ted about the interview, screaming through the door, "So don't fuck it up!" Ted emerges, pale and wobbly, and replies, "Don't worry, I'm too sore to fuck anything!" Mike and Emmett drag him back to the shower.
Justin's first art class. Seven easels surround a nude male model. The professor -- a hip black woman -- tells her proto-artists to focus on the "musculature of the back and the buttocks." Right. But what about those people facing the guy? Are they just supposed to use their imagination? She wanders past Justin just as his hand goes out of control. The professor asks if something's wrong. Justin assures her that everything's fine. But it's really not.