Emmett has decided to balance his checkbook (he only needs a checkbook to do it, miraculously) right there at the diner in front of everybody. He says that balancing your checkbook allows you to take a trip down Purchase Lane. Ted -- who can't mind his own business for three seconds -- takes Emmett's checkbook away from him. He makes a few scribbles in the book and with food in his mouth says, "In the future? Balance before you buy." Nice chastising in front of all your friends, ass. Ted asks Emmett how much it's going to cost him this time. You mean with Ted's lucrative business Emmett doesn't have enough money to make ends meet? Is Ted not dishing out the cash to his star porn dick? The one who made him have his business? And why isn't Ted begging Emmett to come back now that Pickle's gone? Emmett tells Ted he needs fifty. Eighty if he wants his phone back on. Mikey tells him he needs a hundred if he wants to pay half of electric. Their electric bill is forty dollars? And here's a tip: don't eat at a diner every meal of your life. Save a buck or two. Everyone's so mean to Emmett and so superior about how they all have money.

Some guy who looks just like Blake walks into the diner and makes incredibly obvious eyes at Brian, who watches him back. Creepy Ted asks Brian if the trick is as good as he looks. He tells Brian to speak in incredible detail. When will they get Ted the help he so needs? Brian speaks as if he's just about to die of boredom: "First I made him worship my cock for an hour." Michael looks up like, "Hey! Why don't I get to do that?" Brian continues: "Then I let him rim me for a good forty-five minutes. After that, I fucked him so hard he passed out. I'm surprised he's up and walking around." Ted masturbates at the table and jizzes all over his pancakes. Wait, you did this last night? Last night after you started making out with your boyfriend?