Queer as Folk U.S.
You Can Leda Girl To Pussy…

Episode Report Card
Pamie: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Good Old-Fashioned Softcore Porn

I can't believe Brian works for "Ryder Advertising" and not "Rydhim." Brian's assistant is rushing Brian toward some meeting with the big boss. They're pretty sure this means that Brian's about to be offered partner. The assistant is very happy about this, because it means she gets to be bitchy to everyone else. Ah, this show does love a woman, doesn't it? Treats her with such respect and dignity.

Brian's boss doesn't actually offer Brian partner, but informs Brian that he sold the agency. He gloats that he's loaded now, and is buying a place in Bermuda for retirement. Brian says "congratulations" in the same breath that he asks what's going to happen to himself. I don't understand why his boss would be bragging so hard about his early retirement when he already knew this was going to screw Brian over. Brian says he was promised partner by the end of the year. The boss says he had no choice. But he just said that the guy had been offering this over and over and he finally gave him an offer he couldn't refuse. Sounds like he's been deciding on this, choosing this for some time. Brian says he made this company. The boss says that the new boss will know all of this. "I give you my word," he says. Brian smirks, pouts, and stomps off.

Slowly, because they think we're retarded, Emmett stands at an ATM and tells us that, with the money Ted loaned him, his new balance should be $147.16. Michael watches Emmett grab his receipt. "So, were your calculations accurate?" Michael asks. I can't even tell you how many times I've had this ATM scene happen in my life. You know how it is. You go for coffee, a little window shopping and then a quick game of "Guess my available balance." The balance is actually $10,000,146.16. Emmett sure handles this like it's no big deal. And Hal Sparks is such a horrible actor, that his "huh?" here is so bad I want to turn the show off. It's so fake and stupid and not funny and wrong and it's the wrong note and the wrong inflection and at the wrong time and without any sort of believability behind it. How can one man screw up one syllable so badly? Mikey tells Emmett that the receipt is some kind of mistake. Emmett says his account does get interest. He goes back to the ATM again. "What are you doing?" Michael has to ask because they think we're retarded. Emmett pulls three hundred dollars out of his account. He laughs. And that seems to be enough for them. Okay. Whatever. A few months ago I went to the ATM and the receipt popped out saying I had $17,935.29 in my account. I fucking flipped. My heart dropped into my stomach and I tried to figure out how it was even possible. My father had recently passed away and I thought somehow he had this magic trust fund that dumped into my checking account days after he died. I was thanking my father in my head feverishly as another receipt popped out: my receipt. The one in my hand was from the last guy to use the ATM and it was stuck in the machine. That last guy who used the ATM has almost twenty thousand dollars in his account and just needed a quick one hundred to go buy smoothies and facials. So I don't know why Emmett isn't already thinking of Pickle, or at least calling the bank to find out what's going on. Forget it. From now on I'm recapping this episode like I'm watching porn, because that's as much story believability they're giving this thing.

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Queer as Folk U.S.

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