Queer as Folk U.S.
You Can Leda Girl To Pussy…

Episode Report Card
Pamie: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Good Old-Fashioned Softcore Porn

Lindsay walks downstairs in her darkened living room and bumps into Leda, who is only wearing underwear now. Lindsay says she was on her way to the kitchen to make a sandwich. Leda tells Lindsay to share her sandwich. Well, what if she wanted a whole sandwich, Leda? Lindsay says she figured Leda would be out painting the town red, "or whatever color they paint towns these days." Who the fuck is writing this crap? Really. Really. "Or whatever color they paint towns these days"? It's just filler. All the words are now just filler. They might as well just put these things in gibberish and then fuck every once in a while. I'd rather they were confusing words instead of insulting. Leda says all the hot gals are getting it on with their wives. Lindsay says that she and Mel tried going to a motel, but they were too embarrassed by the sounds of other people having sex. What happened to soaking the sheets, ladies? Leda says that if she were there, she would have pinned them both to the bed and done a "dozen dozen": twelve orgasms from twelve different positions. Lindsay chokes on Leda's sandwich. Leda rubs Lindsay's shoulder and asks if she's okay. "Just went down the wrong way," says Lindsay. You mean "go down the right way," don't you? Leda then pulls the ol' "you're so tense" bullshit and makes Lindsay lie down for a massage. She says, "Christ, you're tight!" which is normally a compliment for lesbians, isn't it? Lindsay is very happy to have Leda straddling her, groping her, and whispering about tantric sex in her ear. "Have you ever had a deep rectal massage?" she asks. Oh, Jesus, don't let my mother wake up on that line. "Not recently," Lindsay says. "You have no idea how much tension people carry in their sphincters," Leda says. She says "sphincters" like the gopher on Winnie the Pooh. And just get with the fucking three-way already. Jesus. Mel slowly walks down the stairs in the dark and watches Leda lying on top of Lindsay as they giggle and touch each other. Catfight! Do it! Damn.

Justin tells Brian that Emmett got everyone "the coolest stuff." Screw the timeline on this episode. Anyway, Justin is just now finding out that Brian's not going on the Vermont trip because he's got to go to Chicago for Brown Athletics. Justin is furious that Brian's not spending his money to take them away for a week. Furious. Brian says that the Armani collection isn't going to do shit if he's unemployed. "Fuck business!" Justin says. "That's exactly who you're fucking," Brian says. What? What does that mean? Brian says this is his business and he has to keep his job. He has to keep his job, Justin. Maybe if you stopped spending his money all day long and asked a fucking question or two you might know why he's got to go to Chicago at the last minute to try and keep food on his table that you eat off every night. Or you'll go back to sucking dick for cash. Justin is pissed off. Good. Don't forget to lock Brian's door on your way out, gold-digger.

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Queer as Folk U.S.

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