Justin's playing Ethan's CD for Brian, telling him how incredible the performance was. Can't we hear a different song this time? Brian's putting together a stool. I don't even know what to say about that. Why is he doing that? Justin tells Brian that it wouldn't hurt to expose himself to a little culture. Brian starts up about an oboe player at the baths that he exposed himself to. Even Justin can't take any more of these lame-ass sex jokes. He walks away, nose in the air, dancing in the stink of his own culture. Brian grabs Justin from behind and covers his eyes. "Are you up for another birthday treat?" he asks. Justin's so happy, saying he knew that Brian was saying a load of bullshit about not believing in birthdays. Brian leads Justin over to the bedroom as Justin's anticipation mounts. I don't know why Justin's having such a hard time walking in a straight line, but he's flailing around, bending like he's failing a sobriety test. Brian uncovers his eyes and Justin is crestfallen: the present is a naked man with a bow around his dick saying "Happy Birthday" just as Ethan's violin song comes to an end. Brian bought Justin sex for his birthday. Brian tells Justin that the guy looks just like some underwear model they both like. He tells Justin to unwrap his present. Justin walks over and pulls the red ribbon off the trick's rather tiny dick. Here's the deal. We never, ever get to see dick on television. We just don't. I think it's because the people running things are men, and they can't stand to film dicks bigger than theirs. It's like when a boyfriend finally bought me a vibrator for my birthday because I'd been asking for I don't know how long. He bought me one of those pocket vibrator things. I was like, "Is this for the cat?" No competition. So we see wee willies onscreen so there's no competition. Please let women run a show. But the rest of this boy's pretty hot. Just don't look at his face. He pulls Justin in by the ribbon and everybody goes to town.
Emmett answers the door to a gong noise, signaling one offensive moment after another. He is in full Geisha makeup, bowing and quietly saying, "Welcome, kind gentlemen. Please enter. I am your hostess for the evening." Then he giggles into his fingers. It's Ted and Gay Jesus at the door. Emmett drops the bit for a second to dance around about how great he looks. Ted: "You put the gay back in Geisha." Of course. Michael pops his head into the door and tells everyone to hurry inside. Emmett prances around in a Geisha parody, clapping his hands and making his lips into a severe "O" shape. Ted introduces Gay Jesus to Michael and "M. Butterfly." Emmett says that they've already met, which is true, so I don't know why Ted's introducing them again. Ted moans that the place looks like something he saw in a dream after he ate bad noodles. One Asian woman walks by. Oh, this fucking show. First of all, it's, like, six decorations. There's more festivities at my mother's Christmas celebration, which involves one tree and the scariest statue of Santa in the entire world. Secondly, one Asian woman walking by? Did Emmett rent her or something? Emmett admits he got a bit carried away, and invites everyone in for sake and corn doodles, since he blew all the budget on decorations and had nothing left for sushi.