Natives and donkeys go about their business in a bustling African village. People contentedly smile and are happy in their uncorrupt lives. Suddenly a truck full of morons slices through the scenery, instantly contaminating a previously unaffected and natural way of life. Welcome to the third season of the hit television show, Survivor.
The now African-themed Survivor music plays, replete with ay-ya-yo-ing. About twenty-five African children chase the truck as it passes through the town. I cracked a joke about them being paid to do so, but my friends who went on safari this past summer insist that kids really chase cars this way. Hoping for candy bars and blue jeans, I guess? Wait, that's Russia circa 1988. In any case, the truck has "Survivor: Africa" written in block letters across the top of its tarp. I'm surprised there's not a Target bulls-eye there as well. Just Peachy tells us that we are "crossing a path along the equator." Except he emphasizes it strangely, like "EE-kway-ter." As he babbles on, I become officially convinced that they've recycled the introductory script for each of the three seasons. The sixteen competitors are about to begin the "adventure of a lifetime" as they are "abandoned in the heart of one of the most diverse and dangerous collection of animals." That sentence is grammatical mess; it needs some mapping: they're being abandoned in the heart of a country with one of the most diverse and dangerous populations of animals in the world, but they're not actually being deposited directly in the hearts of the animals. Although that would be interesting to see. We see pictures of various African animals: a skinny cheetah, lions, zebras, a rhino, giraffes, and a big, nasty buzzard. We learn that the temperatures in this climate get up to 120 degrees and there is scarce water. "It is a land virtually untouched by the modern world." Until now, that is. We see initial shots of the new S16 on the truck; they will be "forced to create a new society while battling the elements and each other." Peachy says, "Thirty-nine days; sixteen people; one survivor." For the record, the Outback was forty-two days, and Pulau Tiga was thirty-nine. A herd of giraffes (maybe there's some appropriate word to describe this grouping, as in "gaggle of geese" and "pride of lions," but I don't know it) races along next to the truck. This only means that, at some point in the history of Africa or in the history of the San Diego Zoo, a herd of giraffes raced along next to a truck. By now, we know how the editing on these shows works.