Hanna Marin shows up in Ravenswood looking to beat up Miranda, but when Caleb tells her Miranda's dead and also likes to hang around messing with his emails, she Hannas right up and tries to split town. (At no point does anybody suggest that Miranda do some ghost tricks or throw shit around, despite that being the majority of what she does each week.) What follows is a complicated shell game, as Caleb tries to deal with all the drama of the rest of the finale while also keeping Hanna from being kidnapped by Max, figuring out what's really going on, or being strangled by Spider Face like he was in that bathtub that time. But somewhere in there, she gets -- this was neat -- a sit-down with Miranda's spirit, whom she can't hear giving her peace, and it gives her peace anyway. I liked that a lot.
Caleb also has another run-in with Uncle Collins, and we learn that while the Collins line is tasked with keeping the Marked souls in escrow for whatever future purpose, he didn't know that Dillon was making side deals or that he'd murdered the Mayor. Which I guess means he didn't know Springer was working for Team Max either. Collins and Miranda finally have a bit of a reconciliation, which again Collins only intuits, when she hears how hard it was for him to try and scare her off in the first place. Also very nice.
Remy figures out that the bloody-eyes guy is the helper spirit that Abaddon referred to in her dream-showdown, as it was him who led her to spot Dillon and Collins discussing whatever they were discussing. The Twins decide to hold a séance for Ryan in their dead father's Mayoral office, which -- after seemingly an entire day of waiting -- does reveal the circumstances of his death. Sadly, it was Dillon who stabbed him, while looking fantastic as usual, which sends Olivia off on a truncated quest for revenge!
The Twins go to the cops with their evidence, and Remy heads home to get the fourth estate involved, but somehow Dillon knows what's up, and kidnaps her. All the Five end up back at that mysterious Chapel, where Dillon locks them in and the Preacher decides to bring Miranda back to life. And he is also Spider Face Lady, who is maybe Max or maybe not. But then Collins shows up and stops him from bringing her back, because he's only doing it so he can kill all the Five at once, which is how the Pact works.
As Max is leading Dillon to his doom on some railroad tracks, Collins defeats Abaddon by releasing the hair-jar of Caleb Rivers 1.0, which -- as Thomas and Esther suspected -- is a major component of reversing the Curse. Or at least a major component of things getting weird, as we end on Miranda moping away from Hanna and Caleb 2.0's forever love... Right into Caleb 1.0's arms. A person she has never met, even if she is the reincarnation of his child bride; she is also a person he has never met, who is already in love with his descendent. All of which is very effed, but in a fun/sick Bad Wolf Bay way, so I approve.
But yeah okay, even for this show that was a very weird, or rushed, or something, episode. It was nice to see The Grunwald talk Hanna down -- and it was cool how Hanna's nail polish was the same again, in both episodes tonight -- and I liked the idea of Miranda's resurrection being the actual worst thing that can ever happen. I even like the return of Caleb 1.0 to Ravenswood, as hilarious and strange as that seems. Perhaps ending with another Remy-in-peril episode was a bit much, but that does seem to be her role, and she sells it well. I will miss Dillon Campbell real bad, but it was nice to see the Twins get some closure, and Uncle Dracula a little redemption. Maybe Dillon will come back as a jar of perfect hair, and can just lounge around making snarky comments. I think he'd enjoy that.
Things got steamy between Luke and Dillon when we found out that Dillon was originally one of the Five, and traded Olivia's life for his own, possibly (but not realistically) thanks to Uncle Dracula's meddling. We still don't know who killed Mayor Matheson, how the five kids are chosen each time, who Max or the Spider Lady or Bloody Eyes are, how Dillon got involved with these unsavory characters, or whether the Pact can be broken.
The Grunwald: "How is old Dillon? Well, I hope."
Collins: "Turns out I think he's on our side, which will prove damnably incorrect, but to set the tone for this episode let's act like we're allied with the Pact."
The Grunwald: "That kid's well hot, but kind of a wuss when you get down to it."
Collins: "Carla, I have faith. Specifically, in the faith that Dillon is more afraid of forces unseen and my widow's peak than he is of looking like a wuss."
The Grunwald: "His best friend is an eight-year-old girl. That ship has sailed. And if you ever call me 'Carla' again I will send you out for a switch. You don't know me like that."
Dillon is working on his neat old-school car when Max comes out of nowhere, giggling and threatening to drop the jack on his chest. Max knows how to have fun!
Dillon: "Okay, I'm going to take care of it. Through no actual action of my own, I will stand by while the Five lure themselves to the Chapel, and then I will lock the door and then I will immediately unlock the door and run away like a wuss."
Max: "As long as your hair game's on point."
Dillon: "Eek! Please don't drop this car on me, just go away."
Max: "You are hilarious. And hey, go find out who's been retcon-ed to be the one helping them see ghost stuff."
Remy: "So I saw this kid bleeding out the eyes, it was notable. Then he led me to Collins and Dillon in a car having some kind of spat."
The Five: "Like he pointed toward the car or something?"
Remy: "No, it was really subtle. He has this way of standing around, bleeding out of his eyes."
The Five: "That explains this feeling of something is going to happen we're always having."
Remy: "I think it is he to whom Gabriel Abaddon referred. God knows Beatrice and Miranda are separately no help whatsoever..."