Real Housewives of New Jersey
A Bald Canary Sings

Episode Report Card
Potes: B+ | 1 USERS: A+
Dancing in the Dark

In other entrepreneurial matters, Melissa and Joe meet with her producer Corte Ellis and recording industry executive Jason Kpana. Oh, kill me. Melissa wants to know if she can be as successful if she stays indie rather than searching for a label. Either way, she will continue to be a legend in her own mind. Melissa says that she's going to continue to sing what she believes in, and maybe it will stick. I guess she believes in doing it like a rock star. Like a tanner and surgically enhanced Joni Mitchell, that one. In case you were wondering, Joe is way less obnoxious than Rich, but still gross.

Elsewhere, Caroline and Jacqueline go to Posche, which once again forces us to see the withered visage of one Kim D. I feel like somewhere between season two and now she got stuck in a dehydrator to really ill effect. Kim has some clothes for each of them, but apparently Caroline has some rule against never trying anything on. Mostly anything that has to do with fun and joy, she is against. Jacqueline, however, tries on a sparkly dress and talks for a while about how she's bloated. Caroline is sick of Jacqueline talking about how big she is. She has no tolerance for that, since Lauren has cornered the market on fat.

Kim D. talks to Caroline and Jacqueline about seating arrangements for the fashion show, and Caroline looks a little tense. She points out that the Posche fashion show is always a shit-fuck-fest, so attending on the heels of a massive blowout with Teresa does not portend success. Caroline and Jacqueline talk about what's been happening with Teresa, while Kim D. peers at them through a rack of clothing like fucking Gollum. Jacqueline is still suspect of her supposedly repaired relationship with Teresa, I guess since Teresa hasn't really made much of an attempt to communicate since they got back from Napa. In the end, they decide amongst themselves that they'll be perfectly fine and civil if they wind up sitting by Teresa. Even Caroline!

And then it's time for a big ole' play date with Teresa, Melissa and Jacqueline. Milania answers the door dressed in kindergarten skanky chic (and with enough temporary tattoos to make her look like a freak, per Teresa), and from there everything gets even more awkward. Jacqueline tells us that sometimes faking it till you make it is an effective strategy, but this is not one of those times. Melissa pulls up and one of her kids yells that they've never had a play date at Zia Teresa's. These people have too many kids to even try to keep secrets.

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Real Housewives of New Jersey




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