We return to Gorga Giftapalooza as Joe shows Melissa the finished recording studio he has installed in their basement. The excitement wears off in about 15 seconds when she realized that her microphone is not sufficiently blingy. Thankfully she doesn't throws a Super Sweet 16-style tantrum, but I wouldn't have put it past her circa 15 years ago. Joe laughs that he put a lot of time and money into the studio basically so he could keep Melissa locked in the basement at all times instead of out in the world. I'm paraphrasing... kind of. After Melissa giggles and squeals and prances about some more, Joe asks, "Where's my gift?" She answers, "Not today! It's Jesus's birthday!" See? That line is one-size-fits-all in Melissa's world.

Bonus footage: Rich is surprisingly inept at opening wine and champagne bottles.

Back at the Giudice's house, Gia falls ill. While Teresa attends to her and the other girls put on makeup, you can see the ghosts of the Jersey Shore in Juicy's eyes. The lingering question of, "How did I get here?" Once Gia feels well enough to sip on chamomile, Teresa gets back to the business of second-guessing her brother's brief visit last night. Juicy thinks Joe and Melissa should have had a drink at Kathy and Rich's before heading over to Teresa's to be with their parents. Not satisfied with that compromise (or, I would wager, any compromise ever), Teresa thinks Kathy should have fallen on the sword in service of the Gorga clan. Speaking of clans, is this the first time they've ever shown the tattoo on Juicy's left upper arm? It's sailor-style series of hearts and roses with his daughters' names written across the hearts. That thing is a honker! Either way, Teresa and Joe pawn it off to Kathy not being "intelligent" enough to sacrifice her (real) relationship with Melissa and Joe in favor of Teresa's (strained) one. Tired from all that trash-talking, Juicy heads back to bed.