Real Housewives of New Jersey
A Very Jersey Christmas

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Lady Lola: C | Grade It Now!
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It's Jesus's Birthday!

It's a much calmer scene at the Wakile homestead. Victoria gets a lot of shoes, as young girls should. Kathy gets Rich a chunky, diamond-studded wedding band because he is in the habit of losing his. The kids present Kathy her gift (a laptop she can use to start her own business) with a beautiful speech about pursuing her dreams. Kathy and Rich both tear up at hearing how their kids love and support them. Victoria and Joseph officially have now tied with the Manzos for the coolest New Jersey kids. That is a nice present.

Elsewhere, Caroline and Albert are empty nesting since the boys are at their apartment and Lauren is with Vito. They drive around town reminiscing about past Christmases with their kids and joking about what old age will hold for them. Along the way, they drive down a road that they drove on the night Albert proposed. Apparently he was so nervous back in the day, that he pulled over abruptly (and decidedly non-romantically) under a highway overpass and popped the question. Cut to the present, where Albert makes good by stopping at the very same underpass, stepping out of the car, and getting down on one knee to present a now-crying Caroline with a serious diamond ring. Caroline explains that it's the original diamond, and Albert had it reset. Also, worth noting: Caroline used to be 92 pounds. I know she's a short lady, but wow!

We return to Gorga Giftapalooza as Joe shows Melissa the finished recording studio he has installed in their basement. The excitement wears off in about 15 seconds when she realized that her microphone is not sufficiently blingy. Thankfully she doesn't throws a Super Sweet 16-style tantrum, but I wouldn't have put it past her circa 15 years ago. Joe laughs that he put a lot of time and money into the studio basically so he could keep Melissa locked in the basement at all times instead of out in the world. I'm paraphrasing... kind of. After Melissa giggles and squeals and prances about some more, Joe asks, "Where's my gift?" She answers, "Not today! It's Jesus's birthday!" See? That line is one-size-fits-all in Melissa's world.

Bonus footage: Rich is surprisingly inept at opening wine and champagne bottles.

Back at the Giudice's house, Gia falls ill. While Teresa attends to her and the other girls put on makeup, you can see the ghosts of the Jersey Shore in Juicy's eyes. The lingering question of, "How did I get here?" Once Gia feels well enough to sip on chamomile, Teresa gets back to the business of second-guessing her brother's brief visit last night. Juicy thinks Joe and Melissa should have had a drink at Kathy and Rich's before heading over to Teresa's to be with their parents. Not satisfied with that compromise (or, I would wager, any compromise ever), Teresa thinks Kathy should have fallen on the sword in service of the Gorga clan. Speaking of clans, is this the first time they've ever shown the tattoo on Juicy's left upper arm? It's sailor-style series of hearts and roses with his daughters' names written across the hearts. That thing is a honker! Either way, Teresa and Joe pawn it off to Kathy not being "intelligent" enough to sacrifice her (real) relationship with Melissa and Joe in favor of Teresa's (strained) one. Tired from all that trash-talking, Juicy heads back to bed.

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Real Housewives of New Jersey

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