Real Housewives of New Jersey
An Inconvenient Truce

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Dinner is served. There's only one seat left when Teresa arrives, so she has to park it a few feet from Kathy. For her part, Kathy is annoyed that Teresa is acting like nothing happened and goes so far as to speculate that Teresa is "trying to piss [her] off." So being aggressive is being aggressive and being passive is being aggressive? And we wonder why nothing ever gets resolved in this family! The various women and their men all hash out what's going on. Rich: "Don't add fuel to the fire." Juicy: "Who gives a fuck?" Joe Gorga: "Don't get involved." Frankly, it's a wonder Teresa and Juicy have friends at all. They're both kind of awful.

After dinner, Kathy and Rich decide to head home. The rest of the gang heads to the bar for hijinks including Juicy asking Joe, "What's the capital of Thailand?" then punching him in the nuts as he yells, "Bangkok!" Things get increasingly sophomoric as they stand back to back to see who's taller (they're the same height), then Joe suggests they whip out their dicks to see who's the "real" man. For the sake of my sanity and the integrity of my eyeballs, please don't let this occur! Meanwhile, Greg awesomely looks on with a gaped mouth, like, "Really? I've got a foot on both of you bitches in every respect." In any case it's a good situation because the two Joes are actually getting along. As are Joe and Teresa. She starts to cry from happiness, and they share a heartfelt hug. Naturally, Juicy ruins this beautiful moment by declaring them "Two fuckin' geeks." Teresa thinks the trip is going "phenomenal," and, apropos of that, Juicy actually stands up to announced, "At the end of the day, we're family." Teresa squeals, "Awwwww! You love my brother?" Juicy: "I don't fuckin' hate him." That's progress!

The next morning, Albert cuddles with Caroline and updates her on the previous day's events. Caroline fears that Teresa's histrionics will give her (Caroline) a crippling headache and cause her to miss the entire vacation. Over at the Wakile-Gorga villa, the Manzo brothers walk in on Joe sexually assaulting Melissa. Notable quotables include, "If you do it right it only takes three seconds," and "Can I have my five minutes to wash my armpits?" She runs out, and he warns her, "When we get back, babe, it's all over." Back at the other villa, Teresa puts on another show, annoying Caroline, who's all, "We're not going to the friggin' Oscars. We're going to the market." As they prepare to go out, Melissa and Kathy go over what went down with Teresa the night before. Kathy says that, if Teresa didn't understand she had good intentions, that's Teresa's problem and, "At a certain point you grow up. [With Teresa] it doesn't look like that's happening."

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Real Housewives of New Jersey

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