Real Housewives of New Jersey
Auld Lang Syne for an Eye

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New Year's Babies

That night, Bratshley joins Lauren as she prepares for the grand opening of Face By Lauren Manzo, her cosmetics line, at Chateau. Lauren has designated Bratshley with designing the T-shirts that will go in her goodie bags. They sit down, wherein Bratshley presents Lauren one half-assed idea after another. What's more, they don't match what Lauren asked for. "It looks like she did them in her car," says Lauren. Lauren tells Bratshley to treat her like a client instead of a cousin and that, if she were a stranger, she would have blown her first impression. Bratshley does not take this well and prattles about how she won't have to work with clients when she's a professional artist. Apparently she's never heard of commissioned work. Lauren sends Bratshley off to get it right this time and warns, "If I don't have samples next time we meet, it's going to be a shitstorm."

The next day, Melissa is cleaning the house in preparation for Teresa's arrival. It seems like she's been waiting a while because Antonia asks repeatedly (and rather glumly), "When are they going to come?" and Melissa puts her off repeatedly. She insists that, if Teresa said she'd show up, she'll show up. Half an hour later over at Teresa's house, Milania is having a tantrum and throwing her clothes out of her drawers instead of getting dressed. An hour after that, Melissa watches as the kids jump around in their own personal bouncy castle (so jealous!) and wait for Teresa. Melissa doesn't understand why Teresa, who lives five minutes away, can be an hour and a half late. An hour after that, Teresa has finally made it on the road with the girls, who are fighting like cats and dogs. Back at the Gorga mansion, Gino tells Melissa he doesn't want to play with Milania because she chokes him.

The Giudices finally arrive and, man, are they dressed to the nines. There are animal prints galore, a fedora on Gia, and Milania is wearing what I believe may have been a prototype from Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. How many muppets had to die for that thing, kid? Milania immediately sets about tearing up the Gorga kids' play room while Teresa demands a glass of wine. While the kids play, Melissa brings up Kathy. Teresa <lies insists she was nice to Kathy at Melissa's Christmas party and gets in a jabby insinuation that Melissa's closeness with Kathy is wrong since Melissa should be loyal to Teresa.

Melissa wonders what happened to pull them apart. Teresa insists Kathy has a nasty side and quickly gets feisty, saying pointedly, "Let me see if you're going to like this one, Miss Melissa..." She brings up that Kathy didn't ask Teresa to be part of her wedding, even though Teresa was the only cousin in America at the time. Melissa points out that Teresa didn't ask Kathy to be in her wedding either, and it seems that it was a retaliatory move because of Kathy's snub. Teresa also mentions that she's uncomfortable with Richie's inappropriate teasing. She thinks Rich is not a gentleman -- unlike her husband Juicy Joe, who she claims has never insulted Kathy. Melissa's, like, "What about the other night when he called Kathy fat?" Teresa's justification? He didn't say it to her face, so it's okay.

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Real Housewives of New Jersey

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