Real Housewives of New Jersey
Auld Lang Syne for an Eye

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New Year's Babies

Caroline, Lauren, and Lauren's friends drive to The Brownstone. Lauren jokes that she's chosen to wear a giant fake cocktail ring on her finger in hopes that she'll end the year with a real one in its place. The ladies debate whether it's more important to look good or feel good on New Year's Eve. Caroline admits that Lauren has struggled with her Manzo genes and, thus, her weight.

They arrive at the party, where Christopher is serving up drinks and people are mingling. Caroline, Jacqueline, and Teresa head to the bathroom, where Teresa moans about her brother not staying at her party on Christmas Eve. Caroline tries to see the bright side and points out that it's possible the Gorgas wouldn't have come over at all given how tense things have been with them this year. Of course, Teresa is unmoved. Caroline says Teresa doesn't get it and should be grateful for the baby steps. Since things are already on a rough note, Caroline bites the bullet and tells Teresa that she invited Kathy and Rich to the party. Teresa admits this irritates her but figures she'll probably ignore Kathy anyway.

On a lighter note, the Manzo boys spend a good 15 minutes making fun of Caroline's hair, which is, to be fair, terrible. It's a slicked-back mess. They tell her she looks like a medieval princess, then Wyatt Earp, and then the coup de grĂ¢ce from Christopher: "My mom is going for the 1950s greaser look, like she's going to pull out a razor blade in a milkshake place or something." Caroline takes it all good-naturedly, even when Christopher tells her, "You look like you would date one of the Duran Duran people."

The Gorgas and Wakiles arrive with Baked by Kathy treats in hand. Teresa looks on awkwardly, laser beams practically shooting out of her buggy eyes. Then, in an interview, Teresa basically takes credit for Kathy's attempt at a career as a cook. Melissa notes that Teresa is ignoring Kathy and thinks she should embrace her cousin. All the better to get a good angle to stab her in the back, right, Mel? As such, she takes Jacqueline "Middle-Man" Laurita aside to complain that Teresa needs to forgive and forget. Neither of which Melissa has actually done with any authenticity, mind you.

Then there's a weird interlude between Joe Gorga, Rich, and Juicy where the words "punk-ass" and "dickface" are tossed about like mortar boards on graduation day. Kathy says Rich and Juicy have always busted each other's balls, but it seems like now it's less fun and more passive-aggressive insults. The men hug it out as they call each other "cock sucker" and threaten to fuck each other up. Albert watches vigilantly from the sideline, poised and ready to break up anything that might go down.

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Real Housewives of New Jersey

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