Teresa & Ashley: Are assholes in the exact same way. Like to a spooky degree. They should trade daughters and Gia can come live with Jackie and Ashley can move to the Giudices and Milania will kill her in her sleep.
Teresa: "Let me try and spin our fraud in terms of how amazing it makes us."
Nobody: Is buying it.
Teresa: "Apropos of nothing, I am going to start some shit about how you know Kim G."
Melissa: "I didn't know you at that time, we weren't spending time together."
Teresa: "How dare you say that!? Just because it's true."
(Much pointless discussion of Kim G. Somewhere she's rubbing her witchy twig-fingers together and gnawing on them. It's dumb, Teresa-dumb.)
Caroline & Kathy: "How did you manage to make this thing about you? Bring out the bellydancers."
Teresa: "Why would I be turned on by lady bellydancers?"
Melissa: "I'm so bisexual!"
Kathy: "Let's dance with the bellydancers."
Jackie: "I am so drunk!"
Teresa: "Melissa is, by the way, dressed like a slut."
Caroline: "Lauren, take as many pictures as you can of this."
At no point does any of this make any sense. Kathy gets these ideas and they're so insane in scope and they never make any sense and they're wasted on assholes like Melissa and Teresa anyway, and it's all so half-assed and weird and ephemeral what she's trying to do all the time. What she's trying to create for us, the experience that she's creating. Maybe it's a giant clockwork and at the end of a season or two from now it'll be like, "Oh, Kathy's design was so large I couldn't see it but now it makes sense." God love her, but at least with a Kim G or a Caroline you know where you stand. Kathy just seems to be trying on reality like a fashion show all the time and it makes me uncomfortable.
The second Ashley walks into the kitchen, the little boys start crying because her vibe is so terrible. They should smudge her. The new plan is that Ashley will go to California and become homeless, like they were trying to keep her from doing the whole time she dismantled her mom's brain the other night.
Jackie: "Have fun going to California! I think our lives will be much improved by having you not shitting on them all the time."
Ashley: "So that's what I am doing. Suck on that!"
Jackie: "Fine, go for it."
Ashley: "This is all your idea anyway, so stop trying to stop me."
Jackie: "I'm not trying to stop you. I mean, this is an idiotic plan, I didn't come up with this plan at all, but go for it. Fuckin' have a ball."
Ashley: "You are such a bitch."
(Time stops. Time itself can't believe how ridiculous Ashley is.)
Jackie: "Have fun in California, asshole."