Ashley: Literally taking breaks from lying to her dad on the phone so she can scream at Jacqueline to shut up. God.

Jackie: "I have failed as a mother, which feels bad. On the other hand, my daughter is like this Confederacy Of Dunces clueless dickhead, so..."

Ashley: "Anyway Dad, my Mom sucks and I wish she was dead."
(She hears Chris coming.)
Ashley: "I have to go, okay?"
Chris: "Hey, Ashley? Call a friend and get the fuck out of our house. Now."

Awesome. So awesome. We'll see if it sticks; if it does, they just saved her life. If it doesn't, she really is Teresa and nothing could have helped anyway. Either way, I love Jacqueline and I think it's just terrible how all of this went down. Poor gross Ashley.

Next week: Hookah party with Kathy, who would seem to be going ahead with this Middle Eastern thing she's got going on; Juicy and Joe finally have the bareknuckle fight over Teresa that she's been wishing for ever since she was a super creepy little girl.

JACOB CLIFTON is a freelance writer and critic based in Austin, Texas. He currently recaps True Blood, Gossip Girl, Pretty Little Liars, and Desperate Housewives for TWoP. Jacob can be found online at jacobclifton.com, on Twitter, and on Facebook. IRL work appears in BenBella's SmartPop series of anthologies, most recently A Friday Night Lights Companion.

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