Real Housewives of New Jersey
Belly Up & Up

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Ashley & Teresa: The Same Nasty Person
Everybody Else: "This is a rough time to be involved in this situation."
Jacqueline: "Seriously, the drama and the reconciliation and the tears, none of it is real anyway. The burden of reality suddenly happening in front of my eyes has made me act a little crazy, but I'm not going to go back."

Ashley: "You need to meet me halfway."
Jacqueline: "What does that even mean?"
Ashley: "Like how Teresa always says, and it means that I get to be ass-awful to you all the time and you have to take it. Halfway. Like, I'll promise to keep acting the exact way I always act, and you promise to do everything I say. Meet me halfway."
Jacqueline: "I have been doing that your whole life. This warped mess is the result. You are the result. Halfway to being a person. The shitty half of a person."

Ashley: "Why am I the only one that needs to change, here?"
Dads, wrongly: "Because you're the child."

Correct answer: "Because you are abominable. This isn't about authority or respect, it's about the fact that you are an asshole."

Ashley: "You wouldn't even go to therapy with me!"
Jacqueline: "That is a lie."
Ashley: "I don't mean in the factual sense, I mean in the way where I felt ganged-up on by you and the therapist! If you'd gone to therapy with me in good faith, you would have finally understood how I am right about everything. Instead, you controlled the mind of the therapist to make him think I am the bad guy. As usual."
Jackie: "Translation, the therapist told you to listen to me and you quit therapy because he wouldn't lend medical credence to your repulsive pity party."
Ashley: "That's such a lie!"
Jackie: "So you're still going to therapy?"

Ashley laugh-cries stupidly like always, stares into space like the bovine sponge she is, delivers a little treatise to the camera about Jacqueline's arrested development and how it keeps her from understanding how right Ashley is about everything. Then she actually complains about someone else having a victim mentality, then she yells at Chris for the fact that she was even fucking born. I side with her on that one. This whole time, Jackie has crawled inside of a wall or something to get away from her.

Dads: "Like why are you so angry about inconsequential crazy shit all the time?"
Ashley: "Because she blames me for everything!"

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Real Housewives of New Jersey




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