Teresa: "It is really hard being scam artists; people are always suing us for fraud."
Attorney: "That is a very tasteful fuchsia chinchilla collar you're wearing. Here is some paperwork showing how you are fraudulent hucksters."
Juicy: "I feel like you're telling me to lie about everything."
Teresa: Lies about everything.
Attorney: "See, when you sign somebody else's name, for example, that's fraud."
Teresa: "People will totally sue you for things like that, even if you admit to your fraud. I guess you can't trust anybody not to sue you for falsifying documents. I guess that's just the kind of world we live in."
Attorney: "Your conspicuous consumption was already damning on its own because you're trash, but now it's going to save you because you can sell all that crap."
Teresa, out of nowhere: "Jewesses are money-hungry prostitutes, generally speaking."
Caroline: "I love to read the newspaper, Jackie, especially when you're talking to me. Here's an article about Teresa and Juicy's fraud, let's discuss it."
Melissa: "Read this newspaper to me, Kathy. You can read, right?"
Kathy: "It says that Teresa and Juicy settled because of all their fraud."
Melissa: "I feel bad about their misfortune, as you can tell from this shit-eating grin on my face."
Caroline: "It's kind of crazy how deluded and corrupt the Giudices are."
Jackie: "I feel like we shouldn't be talking about this. Let's keep talking about it, though."
Kathy, characteristically: "You feed your body with food."
Melissa: "All this food looks amazing. I can't wait for your seventeen businesses."
Kathy: "Brussels sprouts. Exist."
Melissa: "Kathy makes love to food. I am still confused about sex in lots of ways."
Rich: "You don't need Zen Jen to smudge our house with sage, you need to get a priest in here to exorcise the horror from inside of Teresa."
Melissa: "Is that Holy Water? I think it would kill Teresa if she touched it."
Kathy's Kid: "Yeah, giving Teresa Holy Water is really bitchy. I am a kid and I get this. So what is wrong with you guys?"
Melissa: "On that topic, I think that Teresa thinks that Rich is obsessed with her."
Kathy: "On the list of insane shit that Teresa says, that is pretty low-level."