Real Housewives of New Jersey
Belly Up & Up

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Ashley & Teresa: The Same Nasty Person
Jackie: "Fine, go for it."
Ashley: "This is all your idea anyway, so stop trying to stop me."
Jackie: "I'm not trying to stop you. I mean, this is an idiotic plan, I didn't come up with this plan at all, but go for it. Fuckin' have a ball."
Ashley: "You are such a bitch."
(Time stops. Time itself can't believe how ridiculous Ashley is.)
Jackie: "Have fun in California, asshole."

Ashley: "Unbelievable. Can you believe what a bitch your wife is?"
Chris: "I am kind of over this whole thing, actually. You've warped the dynamic so badly in this house that I don't even have to pretend to like you anymore."
Ashley: "Don't you call me disrespectful, you old goat."
Chris: "That right there is you being an asshole."
Ashley: "How dare you call me an asshole?"

Et cetera. Oh my God. Can we just fast-forward to the part where she leaves the show? I mean, it would be different if Jackie didn't clearly bear the responsibility of her horrible daughter: She knows this is her fault, and that's why she always takes the bait. But on the other hand, how old do you have to be? Because in the time that Ashley has taken to become a truly epic asshole, Jackie's become a pretty great person, insightful and funny and sweet. The other set of parents seem to be pretty cool too. Sucks to be Ashley, but that's for Ashley to deal with. Kick her out.

Chris: "Ashley, you need to understand that not one part of this situation is something you can't overcome, and not one part of it arises from anywhere other than your attitudes and behavior. You feel trapped by a reputation, but your reputation only develops from your behavior. The rest of us have very short attention spans and we have no reason to hold anything against you. Stop acting like an asshole and -- as if by magic -- you won't be an asshole anymore. You have a family that loves you very much and would do anything to help you."

Ashley: Runs screaming and smile-crying into the house, of course, to get away from this very sensible, calmly delivered, rational and caring advice.

Ashley: "They won't stop trying to help me! I have to go to California and get away from all this support and caring and love!"

Jackie: "Listen, can we just toss her out of the house? Please?"
Chris: "Yeah, no kidding. Pull the trigger."

Ashley: Literally taking breaks from lying to her dad on the phone so she can scream at Jacqueline to shut up. God.

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Real Housewives of New Jersey




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