Not taking the hint that she's choked up, Joe asks her to read it aloud. She spits it out awkwardly, and he walks around the table and gives her a perfunctory kiss on the cheek. She says she wished it would have been a tight hug because she can tell he still has a wall up. He finally reveals why he's maintaining his distance by aggressively telling her that she needs to tell Juicy to stop threatening him. He hands down an ultimatum that they will have no relationship if Juicy doesn't stop the antics. Teresa sits there, speechless, so Joe piles on some more. Teresa interviews that Juicy thought the Gorgas' first-time appearance at this event was self-promoting. Joe quiets down for a moment, which is when Melissa chimes in. As all their conversations have a habit of doing, things quickly devolve into a petty cluckfest over whether Facebook is a sufficient way to invite family to a book signing. Joe jumps back in to reiterate his original point that if Juicy doesn't get it together, Joe will be out of Teresa's life. He makes a big show of picking up his books and proclaims, "Next time I'm walkin' out with boxes." Well then! With family like this, who needs enemies?
Teresa heads home, where she's greeted by friends, family, and her very drunk husband. Juicy slurps down wine while Gia does aerials on the marble floor in the hallway. Emboldened by his daughter's gymnastic skills, Juicy decides to do his own trick. At which point I suspect Teresa's next book will be called Recipe for Disaster. Joe does a fairly unimpressive somersault onto a mat, which is all well and good, until he keeps spinning and smashes his head on the floor. Gia freaks out when she sees his chipped tooth, and Teresa likens him to Tales from the Crypt (or, as she says it "Creep-t") with some embarrassment. For his part, Juicy just keeps on a-drinkin'.
A friend asks Teresa how her book signing went, so she mentions that the Wakiles and the Gorgas showed up to support her. She doesn't mention Joe's ultimatum, but Juicy is poised to jump right in and snark about the evil spirits surrounding Teresa. Teresa gets frustrated about Juicy's trash talk and asks him what his problem is. Smart move, Tre. Provoke a drunk to launch into a tirade. Juicy reiterates his notion that the Gorgas only showed up for the cameras, then jabbers something about Joe being jealous that Teresa is taller and has more hair. Teresa tries to defend Joe, claiming Melissa is poisoning the well, when Juicy tells her to shut up. Teresa tells him to knock it off, then goes back to her point. She claims Juicy never tries to sour her on Joe (which begs the question, "What do you think he's doing right now, Teresa?") and focuses her blame back on Melissa. Juicy calls Melissa's family white trash and insists that he would never start a fight, especially not at a christening. He credits Teresa with all of Joe's success and generally curses like a sailor while slugging back red wine. Class act.