Real Housewives of New Jersey

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DeAnn Welker: C | Grade It Now!
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Bye-Bye, Deformed Boobs

Chris and Jacqueline prepare to lecture Ashley for the nothing fight with her mom last week during poker night. Chris is really the one who seems mad about it, though, and Jacqueline thinks Ashley will respect her someday. When Ashley comes in, Chris tells her she needs to respect them, and Jacqueline just cries. Ashley apologizes for acting immature, and says she feels like an idiot. Her mom cries and tells her she's not the enemy. Ashley says she kinda wants to come home (or, you know, the producers kinda want her to; but what's the difference?). They tell her she can come home anytime, but she has to follow the rules. Jacqueline praises Chris for being the voice of reason (it's easy in this crowd). She says she started dating Chris when Ashley was five, so she always listens to him. It ends with an open invitation to come home, so that's obviously going to happen. We need the drama.

Teresa and her party planner Elvira work on her housewarming party. But only after some bickering because Teresa does the cooking, cleaning, and caring for the babies herself. Elvira admires her spotless house and then inexplicably tells her to "get some help." Well, two things: 1. Isn't a party planner "some help"? 2. When did Teresa become the down-to-earth one? Elvira's also annoyed Teresa won't get a pool in her ginormous backyard (because she already has a beach house). Elvira wants to turn Teresa's house into Studio 54, and they basically roll their eyes and hate each other until Teresa pretty much shuts the door in her face. Somehow, she doesn't fire her, though.

Whaddayaknow? Ashley's back at her parents' house with her bags, wanting to move in. She wants to negotiate some stuff first, namely the curfew. She doesn't understand why she can't come home later than 12:00. Chris says she can come home at 12:00 on weeknights and 2 on the weekends. Ashley cries and pleads with them not to give her a curfew at all if she communicates and lets them know when she'll be home. Chris compromises to 1 on weekdays, 2 on weekends, and says she can break the rules, maybe, if she's good. She moves back in, happy about it even if it's not as flexible as she'd like. They all hug. Awwww... Zzzzzzzz.

Albie has bad news for his mom: He got bad grades because of his learning disability (which Caroline describes as "ADD or something"), a 1.9. The cutoff was 2.0, so the school's kicked him out, and they don't care about his learning disability. He appealed, and they told him to find a new career. Caroline wants him to use this to fuel his fight, which she wishes she could fight for him. He says he feels worthless and they both cry. Dude, give me a break. He got a 1.9. Learning disability or not, those are some bad grades. Albie says he doesn't know what a learning disability is, and Caroline tells him to become an attorney for himself and "every learning disability kid who comes after you." This is right up there with the Gettysburg Address and MLK's "I Have a Dream" speech in the annals of inspirational speeches in American history. (Hey, when did Ryan O'Reily start doing insurance commercials?)

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Real Housewives of New Jersey

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