Real Housewives of New Jersey

Episode Report Card
admin: C | 1 USERS: C-

Previously: Danielle had lunch and bitched about Caroline. Jacqueline, Caroline and Teresa had lunch and bitched about Danielle. Danielle's daughter Christine became an international supermodel at the reeeeeeally important IMG modeling agency. Teresa's daughter Gia became an international baby supermodel by walking around in someone's office. You are now up to speed.

Jacqueline participates in some arts and crafts with her young son CJ (who is suspiciously likable for a character on this show, even if he is, like, seven), and apologizes for all those traumatizing fights she's always having with Ashley in front of him while he's trying to clean the house. He's clearly irked by the fighting, but being the most mature member of his family, he just puts his personal issues aside and focuses on his work -- t-shirt puff-painting. We're all going to be working for CJ in 10 years. He will be in high school, and we will be his minions, and the world will be a perfect place.

Danielle returns home with her other, non-supermodel daughter to find a bouquet of roses from Jacqueline lying on her doorstep. The roses are to congratulate Christine for her trade cover, but Danielle decides to make it about her and leaves a nasty voicemail for Jacqueline (interrupting the puff painting, I might add), accusing her of not being allowed to make her own decisions or whatever, which, OK: Yes, it is sad and frustrating that Jacqueline is so afraid of Caroline and her own damn husband that she can't even eat lunch with whoever she wants, but also shut the hell up, Danielle. Jacqueline tried to make it right by doing something sweet for Christine that had nothing to do with you, and you freaked out because you're an egomaniacal idiot who craves conflict. Also, who gets mad about roses? They are beautiful!

Dina's house; perfectly groomed cat on the couch. Teresa comes over and Dina remarks on how perfectly pregnant Teresa is (and she's right, actually), and they sit around and worry about the possibility of herbal tea "putting [Teresa] into birth" for a while. They have to carefully select a tea that won't "put" anyone "into birth" because A) Dina assumes the birth would be instantaneous, and that she alone would have to deliver the baby, a procedure in which she is not (yet) trained, but, more importantly, B) delivering Teresa's baby would necessitate seeing her "chuckie," and Dina fears looking at Teresa's vagina (I'm an adult!) would cause some sort of Arc of the Covenant face-melting situation, so Earl Grey it is.

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Real Housewives of New Jersey




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