Real Housewives of New Jersey

Episode Report Card
Mindy Monez: C | 1 USERS: C-

They move into a sitting room to enjoy their tea and bitch about Danielle. Dina wishes Danielle hadn't invited her to her luncheon last episode. Teresa wishes Danielle would die (I'm paraphrasing). The perfectly groomed cat hides behind a plant, playing the voice of the audience.

Caroline arrives at Jacqueline's home for some coffee and for some bitching about Danielle. Jacqueline wishes Danielle hadn't invited her to her luncheon last episode, but she really extra-wishes Danielle hadn't left her that nasty voicemail when all she did was politely decline her invitation and then generously send expensive roses to make Christine feel as special as the Queen of England and The Bachelorette combined. Caroline's like, "That is bad, but, also, did Danielle ever acknowledge the new Lion King, Nicholas, when he was born?" Jacqueline's like, "Oh shit, yeah, you're right. Thanks for bringing up offenses I cared so little about that I literally forgot they occurred so I can be mad at someone for you!" It begins to dawn on Jacqueline that Caroline may be slightly biased against Danielle, but the feeling passes, and now Danielle not acknowledging her baby is Jacqueline's cause in life. Jacqueline is so fucking stupid, you guys.

Danielle's house; her tiny, tackily named dog Fendi tries to claw his way to freedom. Christine is lounging on Danielle's bed, coping with the stresses of her new career as a walking hanger. She will have to wear 8-inch heels at Fashion Week, and she is scared. Christine's sister is not interested, but she does join the conversation briefly to accuse Christine of having freckles. Christine quickly cuts the conversation short, so unbearable is the idea of facing her own freckles.

Teresa takes all 19 of her daughters (plus someone else's kid) to a children's clothing store for some toddler retail therapy. Melania goes nuts and starts destroying the store while Gia models what she tries on for what seems to be nobody, as they've clearly rented out the entire place for this occasion. Teresa buys the girls a mountain of leggings (at first she was going to make Gia pay for it, but then she remembered Gia is eight and has no income, and then she was like "You should get a job, Gia" and Gia's like "I would, of course I would, but as you know I am too pretty to work" and Teresa's like "Oh my God, I'm so sorry for your disability, please allow me to pay") and it amounts to $1,900, which we're either supposed to be impressed or scandalized by. That's a lot of leggings.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6Next

Real Housewives of New Jersey




Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP