Real Housewives of New Jersey
Child's Play No More

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Bratz-tervention

Hoboken. Christopher explains that he got a job at a bar to pay for his OnDemand bill because "Toy Story doesn't pay for itself." Right, Christopher... Toy Story. The Manzo-Lauritas come to visit him at work and everyone rubs Bratshley's underage nose in it by taking a shot first thing. Chris Laurita throws down a big, fat one-dollar tip. Jacqueline tells him to pull out his wallet and throw down a 20. Greg asks Bratshley what's new with her. She says she's struggling to figure out what she wants to do most among all her interests. Lauren (who is all of 23) says bluntly, "She reminds me of myself when I was 20 years old: Lazy, no ambition." Jacqueline says Bratshley's behavior at the New Year's party made it clear that all Bratz wants to do is party. What's worse, she was out with a friend the other night who rolled her car. She said it was a scary moment to have to answer that doorbell. While Jacqueline broods on one end of the bar, Christopher and Albie make fun of Bratshley's underage drinking on the other.

Jacqueline and Chris step outside and greet some friends. They sneak the friends in, and it turns out that it's Bratshley's dad Matt and his new wife. Bratz bursts into tears when she sees him. He quickly tells her she has some 'splainin' to do. Jacqueline explains that Matt's trip to Jersey isn't a pleasure cruise. She enlisted him to stage an intervention of sorts so that Bratz will make better decisions in the future. Bratz immediately says, "Listen, I don't have time for hour-long lectures..." As if she has any authority to wield about when and where this shit is going down. What a jackhole. The parents plan for a brunch meeting to break everything down to Bratshley. Meanwhile, Lauren and Greg are totally ogling Matt, which is awesome.

The next day, Melissa's sisters Lysa and Kim come over to talk trash about Teresa. Melissa does her nasal impression of Teresa throwing shade on her about her emergent singing career. Melissa worries that the fact that the kids can't bring them together means nothing will be able to. Not that her mouth is helping. Or Teresa's of course. They're in a constant contest to see who can produce the most verbal diarrhea, all the while failing to realize that the only possible outcome is that they will be buried in shit. Lysa moves on to a story about one of their cousins going to a medium, who channeled the spirit of Melissa's deceased father Anthony. From the afterlife, he said that Melissa should stick to her pursuits because she will be a huge success. Melissa and her sisters have a long cry.

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Real Housewives of New Jersey

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