Real Housewives of New Jersey

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Smackdown

The worse thing about this fight is that you know the rest of the season will be spent rehashing it. Just kill me now, eh?

It's the morning after and we get parallel recaps of The Big Fight. Jacqueline heads to Caroline's to recap the night's events. Caroline is woefully out of the loop so Teresa and Jacqueline fill her in. Caroline is unimpressed with Teresa's pinky swear that she "just wanted to say hi" to Danielle because it is a complete load of crap and Teresa is deluding herself. Meanwhile, Danielle is giving her version of events to BFF (with benefits? yeesh) Jailbird Danny. Caroline just looks very disappointed and extremely weary as Jacqueline and Teresa recount their adventures in Wayne, New Jersey. When Jacqueline gets to the part about Ashley pulling out Danielle's hair, Caroline shakes her head sadly. She sagely points out that Danielle won that round because Teresa, Jacqueline, and Ashley all ganged up on her and beat her down with all of Kim D.'s fashionable shoppers watching. They can't pretend they are innocent bystanders anymore. Jacqueline and Teresa look chastened by this. A little.

Gosh, with all this drama I sort of forgot to care about what happened to Albie and his law school dreams. Actually, I always forget to care. At long last he has come to realize that as a law student in America and also as an American he is entitled to sue his school for their failure to provide proper accommodation to people with learning disabilities. He hires a lawyer. God Bless America! And say what you will about Albie, at least he's smart enough to not try to represent himself.

Danielle's energist calls. I REFUSE to look up what an energist is and instead direct you to this because you will feel much better than if I tell you what the idle rich women of America spend their money on. Danielle claims that she wants to move forward, but her fear of physical harm at the hands of Teresa, Ashley and Jacqueline is too great. The energist who also doubles as a psychic has real concern about this possibility. She would like to talk to Jacqueline on Danielle's behalf. Brilliant idea, honey.

Teresa decides to break the news to Joe about her fisticuffs with Danielle. She brings a bottle of wine to soothe the savage beast. Before we get to the one-sided bullshit version of the story I have to mention that Joe and Teresa have a very large chessboard in their game room. I should have guessed that they were chess nerds. Can't you just see Joe as a chess club kid in middle school? It's just too bad that Ed Hardy doesn't make a chess set. Yet. Anyway before she tells her tale of woe, Teresa reminds Joe that she is a lady. Then she tells a slanted tale of the event and Teresa and Joe mock Danielle for being scared and crying. Teresa ends her tale by asking Joe if she did good. Joe nods. She did good. Class FTW! God I hate these people.

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Real Housewives of New Jersey

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