Real Housewives of New Jersey
Drop Dead Gorgas

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Restitution Whores

Jacqueline: "Just a little more..."

Caroline: "Everybody besides Teresa, you guys need to chill."
Everybody: Sighs.


Melissa: "I want a piece of this for sure. Calm down, Teresa! You're a monster!"
Teresa: "Oh, like your violent piece of shit husband?"
Melissa: "You totally just insulted your own brother. Burn!"
Teresa, actually chilling: "God, Melissa. Shut up."

Kathy: "When you argue with an idiot..."
Melissa: "...You are also an idiot."

Kathy & Melissa: "We are both fucking idiots."

Caroline: "Nobody's calming down on my watch. Not until I instruct you to do so. Now, is everybody ready for a long boring lecture about stuff we all already know?"
Everybody, resentfully: "Yesssss..."
Caroline: "This should not have happened tonight. Now you see what you made me do? Talk to a room full of grown adults like they're children. I don't like being a patronizing martinet with delusions of power, but I'm willing to go there. I don't mind being the bad guy, if it's for the education of your souls. Are we clear."
Everybody: "..."
Caroline: "I said are we clear."

Kim G, while everybody's still distracted: Hands Gia a Benedryl; tells her it's candy.

Caroline: "Everybody get the fuck out of my Brownstone."
Melissa: "[Blah blah blah.]"
Caroline, verbatim and word: "You are family. Fix It."

Teresa, resentfully packing her miles of Spandex and snapping at the ankles of passersby: "Kathy is a bitch. She needs to show some motherfucking class. Where are my children? Where's poor little Gia?"

Being loaded into Kim G's van as we speak. Headed for state lines. Not too worried about it, frankly.


Teresa: Says the word ingredientses. In a business meeting!
Jacqueline: Blames Ashley's horribleness on herself some more instead of just kicking her out the house on her horrible ass.
Caroline: Threatens her family with death unless they crawl back inside her sweater with her, then patronizes the shit out of Kathy.
Kathy: Doesn't even understand that's happening.
Melissa & Joey: Talk a good game about forgiveness and family; are still creeps.
Caroline: Tells Teresa to write them a letter, just to see what happens.
Christmas: Thus comes early for Jacqueline, and for us all.

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Real Housewives of New Jersey




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