Real Housewives of New Jersey
Drop Dead Gorgas

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Restitution Whores

Kathy: "He threatened her physically. She should have known better. What's classy in the case that a musclehead relative physically threatens you is to get out of the way. She was essentially asking to be harmed. Which is so typical of a bitch."

Joey: "Well, besides the total drunkness of me, it's also because my Dad is an old man who finds Juicy more likeable than me. Juicy abuses me all the time. Like when I smash my fists on the table like this, he is abusing me."
Everybody: "Ha! It's so cute how you're acting insane right here just talking about it! Your constant violence is one reminder that you are Teresa's brother. Thug blood is thicker and stupider than water for sure."

They agree that this is all Juicy's fault. And possibly that Teresa also is to blame because she is obsessed with Joey. Which admittedly, it's freaky, and Teresa is a monster, but that doesn't mean they're automatically okay. They are absolutely not okay. Just because Kyle Richards is a horror doesn't mean that Kim's not also awful.

Melissa, on a producer's prodding: "What about the Posche 'fashion' show? That we all have to attend in this episode?"
Kathy: "I'm frankly hoping you'll all kill each other and then this show will just be my boring vacant ass and a bunch of identical steroid cases, laundering money together."


The Bra That Smushes Your Back Fat & Rearranges It So You Can Wear Tacky Clothes.


The monstrous blonde demon-eyed Posche person that looks like Buffalo Bill skinned Danielle and put her face over his face helps her try on a variety of trashy outfits. It goes on forever and ever. I forgot how Kim D is because I missed Kim G so much. Also because of nightmares.

Kathy & Kim D: "We're counting on you to matter this season, so let's be friends. Please walk in the 'fashion' show."
Melissa: "[Gross fake modesty.]"


Kim G shows up! Just a-drooling and picking at their garments and eating crumbs off the floor and begging to be let into the gang some more, gossiping about the riot at the Christening, the whole thing. She keeps nodding off and offering prophecies in a voice which is clearly not her own. God, I fucking love Kim G. She's like the Allison DuBois of life! Posche is a small place, but they all fold back into corners and racks so as to give her a wide berth. She spits sometimes. She'll getcha, right in the eye.

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Real Housewives of New Jersey




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