Caroline & Teresa: Unimpressed.
Kim G: "Let's boo Teresa!"
Her companion: "Why? Why would we do that?"
Kim G: "I am chaos incarnate! I snort wiper fluid! Don't ask me questions I can't answer!"
Teresa comes out, and looks fairly great. I mean, it's a very This Show kind of outfit, which I don't even know the point of this fashion show because they're just dressed like themselves, walking down a runway dressed like themselves and each other, but whatever. She's got a bod and she's got the hair and she does what she can with her caveman face. It's not the ugliness or beauty of her outsides that really matters.
Caroline: "God love her, but that girl cannot walk a runway."
Teresa: Is not a model. This thing is not real. Chill.
Caroline: "Her face was smiling, but her model walk said 'I am in Chapter 11 and everybody knows it.'"
... POP POP POP ...
Jacqueline, to Teresa: "Stop watching Kathy and Melissa talk to you mom or whoever that person is. Let's talk about what a great fashion model you are instead. No drama!"
Jacqueline, to us: "I'm about sick of waiting for Teresa to get crazy on these bitches, frankly. I should pour her another drink or two."
Teresa: "I should probably get another drink."
Jacqueline, verbatim: "In my head I'm like tick tick tick..."
(Amazing! I knew I was basically right about what was going on just now, but that's kind of eerie. Being psychically linked to a Real Housewife of New Jersey is not one of the perks of this job I would have expected. No wonder I've always liked Jacqueline so much.
Jacks, if you can hear me: Your daughter is the Worst! Drop her in a far-off city with a knife and a twenty and if she makes it home, she'll be okay. Do not let her fool you into thinking you are the bad guy here. Your daughter is the bad guy and I speak from experience, having been 100% Ashley for like up through the middle of my twenties.
... TICK TICK TICK ...
Kathy enters, wearing a fur vest: A hard-up Studio 54 vet lookin' to score.
Teresa: "Here we fuckin' go."
Kathy: "Can I steeeeeal you a minute?"
Caroline: "Now, to prove my worth as a friend and matriarch, I will make a big fucking deal about simmering with anger."
Caroline's Husband: "Youcan'tseeme youcan'tseeme youcan'tseeme... Huh. It worked."
Jacqueline: "I wonder if I could sneak along behind them and see this shit without getting caught? Well, probably it will erupt out into a hallway in a second anyway. Just knowing it's happening is almost good enough for me."