Real Housewives of New Jersey
Drowning Pool

Episode Report Card
Potes: B | Grade It Now!
Hazy, Hot and Humorless

And then suddenly we're Jaguar shopping with the Manzo progeny. Lauren claims that the car is so sexy, it's taking her clothes off. Albie and Chris are weirded out, but not as weirded out as Caroline is going to be when she finds out that they bought an $80,000 car. Soon enough, Al and Caroline pull up to the Jaguar dealer. Caroline is instantly pissed off because that is the way of menopausal Caroline. But then she's not as pissed off as she learns that the car is for her. It's an anniversary present from Al, who deals with menopausal Caroline by giving her lavish gifts that temporarily distract her from her hot flashes and mood swings. I'm sure they only have eight cars between the five of them, so it's a practical as well as stylish gift.

Cut to the pool party! It turns out this is a Wakile family tradition, as a celebration of the end of the school year. Except Victoria and Joseph have no friends this year, probably because their mom and her crazy family are screaming at each other weekly on Bravo. Oh, wait! Ha! Richie told the kids not to actually invite anyone once he learned that Teresa was coming. He thinks it's social suicide for them to acknowledge being related to Teresa and Juicy, which is probably a good call. Caroline and Jacqueline are both unable to come, which Kathy is mad about. She made POTATO SALAD, everyone. Make a fucking effort. Jacqueline claimed that she couldn't get a babysitter, which begs the question of why she didn't just bring the kids. But really she's at home being a wreck about Ashley(e). She Skypes with Mary, her sister-in-law who is serving as tough love mentor to Ashley(e). Jacqueline claims to miss Ashley(e), and Ashley(e) calls bullshit. I guess Ashley(e) is maybe doing better? I mean, who cares, even. She still manages to be insufferable, even in small doses. After her stint in Vegas, Ashley(e) is going to visit her dad, and then come home UGH. I hope her visit with her dad is an extended one. Between Caroline's hot flashes and the Gorga/Giudice feud, I have about all I can handle.

Joe and Melissa and their kids head over to the pool party, and Melissa laments the fact that hanging with her in-laws is such a horrible experience. They arrive just in time to see Rosie presiding over some races in the pool. Kathy apologizes for the empty party, while Richie smiles. At least someone has a sense of propriety in this family. Teresa and her girls finally arrive, and everyone starts to get nervous. Someone is going to be floating in the pool by the time this party is over. Melissa tells us that she cannot fucking stand Teresa, but whenever she sees her with her kids a tiny little soft spot opens up. I imagine it's, like, the size of a corn on your baby toe. Probably as soft, actually.

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Real Housewives of New Jersey




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