Real Housewives of New Jersey
Drowning Pool

Episode Report Card
Potes: B | Grade It Now!
Hazy, Hot and Humorless

Oh God, and then Rosie asks Teresa what she wants to drink, and Teresa asks what they have, and Rosie says everything, and Teresa asks for a margarita, and Rosie says that she's not making any damn frozen drinks, and then Melissa pipes in with the fact that she's drinking sangria because she's not high maintenance, and we are reminded again that they ALL ARE THE WORST. Except for Rosie, who does a belly flop right off the diving board and scares the kids out of the pool. If only she could belly flop right in the middle of Thanksgiving dinner and ease the inevitable tension there, too. She should have tried it at the christening.

Meanwhile, Al and Caroline head to the Brownstone. They have a little apartment above the Brownstone that they lived in when they were first married, and that they've kept as a rockin' sex shack. Al wants to feed Caroline strawberries, and then tries to make awkward sexual advances involving tickling. I'm getting that squicky feeling like when my parents do affectionate things once every ten years. DO NOT LIKE. Not a day goes by, Caroline tells us, when Al doesn't tell her that she's beautiful. She wonders if that is true since she now -- HA RIGHT -- has cellulite for the FIRST TIME. Bitch, please. We've seen seasons one through three! We see you right now! Next time, if you're trying to be self-deprecating, do a better job. Al and Caroline reminisce about the good old days when they brought Albie home and he peed right in the middle of Al's forehead. Caroline tells us that it wasn't always easy when the kids were young, because Al worked all the time and wasn't around for things like holidays and school plays. But they've survived it all, and are closer than ever. Thankfully we fade out before getting squicky visual evidence of this.

Back at the pool party, Kathy tries to get Teresa to talk to Joe and Melissa while claiming that she doesn't want to get in the middle of it all. She does, however, want to be the glue that holds the family together. More like rubber cement that's been around too long and has dried in the jar. Basically, all you can do now is make rubber cement boogers of it. Rich and Joe Gorga talk about how Teresa hates Melissa, which is obviously a problem, and Rich suggests family therapy. Joe, of course, doesn't believe in therapy. Old-school Italians laugh at therapy, and then proceed not to talk to each other for the rest of their lives. It's a better way, clearly. If everyone went to therapy and was emotionally healthy, Bravo wouldn't even exist!

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Real Housewives of New Jersey




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