Real Housewives of New Jersey

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LuluBates: A+ | 1138 USERS: B-
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Fun with Meat

Christine is surprised that her tall, blonde, skinny self gets to be a model. Also, fans of America's Next Top Model will be excited to know that noted fashion photographer Gilles Bensimon [and former husband of Real Housewives of New York's Kelly] is photographing Christine's first shoot for The Daily a.k.a. fashion's bible that none of us have ever heard of but will pretend to be impressed by. I wonder if Gilles is as much of a publicity whore as all his reality show appearances would make it seem? Anyway, Christine is up for the cover. When she is all dolled up and on stage, she looks pretty amazing, and you feel really bad that Danielle is standing right there vying for the spotlight -- simultaneously stage-momming and seething with jealousy. Yes, yes, she's probably happy for her little girl, but you know she wants to be the center of attention all the time, so it's a bit of a struggle for her not to start crying, mentioning how mean everyone at the salon is, or asking if they have a bidet. When Gilles notes her existence and offers to take a photo of her, of course, Danielle runs backstage, heads directly to hair and makeup and starts modeling up a storm. Just for the record, when Christine is modeling, she is pretty much just standing there looking pretty. Not a hint of arms akimbo or looking fierce or bending backwards and growling. Yep, Tyra may be complete bullshit. I know! Who knew?

Over at Caroline's, the same argument is dragging on. Albie is still upset that Vinnie is dating Lauren, so they decide to have a chat meathead-to-meathead while Lauren and Caroline pretend nothing is happening. Some extremely tall bearded gentleman joins their conversation, and they all agree that Vinnie should bring Lauren flowers. Everyone shakes hands, and Lauren and Vinnie leave. The end.

Over at IMG, Christine has landed the cover of The Daily with a big banner "Who's That Girl?" and a five-page spread inside. Ivan Bart, who is apparently a demi-god who accepts live offerings of Calvin Klein suits at noon and five daily, thinks Christine could be really big and wants to book her in a fashion show. He then remembers to include Danielle, lest she kidnap him and use him for target practice. He thinks she is a really good mom (?) and then asks if she would be okay going to Milan with Christine. Danielle wets her pants right then and there. Thank god, IMG has interns to clean up the puddle.

Real Housewives of New Jersey

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