Real Housewives of New Jersey

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Fun with Meat

Teresa has somehow managed to squoosh herself into some spandex and tie-dye and hauled herself and Gia to yet another PR agency. Gia has been huffing her Tinkerbell nail polish and swears she has never heard of ELLE magazine. As if! But, don't worry! "When Gia gets her catwalk on, she gets it on." Gia does her best mini-strumpet as Teresa stage-moms her from the lawn chair she brought to sit in. Teresa is obviously convinced that her baby is a star. Danielle pipes in from the confessional that Gia is four feet tall and probably not supermodel material. Oh snap! The PR agent looks unmoved, but she may always look like that. Don't worry, sweetie, all publicity is good publicity.

Christine is surprised that her tall, blonde, skinny self gets to be a model. Also, fans of America's Next Top Model will be excited to know that noted fashion photographer Gilles Bensimon [and former husband of Real Housewives of New York's Kelly] is photographing Christine's first shoot for The Daily a.k.a. fashion's bible that none of us have ever heard of but will pretend to be impressed by. I wonder if Gilles is as much of a publicity whore as all his reality show appearances would make it seem? Anyway, Christine is up for the cover. When she is all dolled up and on stage, she looks pretty amazing, and you feel really bad that Danielle is standing right there vying for the spotlight -- simultaneously stage-momming and seething with jealousy. Yes, yes, she's probably happy for her little girl, but you know she wants to be the center of attention all the time, so it's a bit of a struggle for her not to start crying, mentioning how mean everyone at the salon is, or asking if they have a bidet. When Gilles notes her existence and offers to take a photo of her, of course, Danielle runs backstage, heads directly to hair and makeup and starts modeling up a storm. Just for the record, when Christine is modeling, she is pretty much just standing there looking pretty. Not a hint of arms akimbo or looking fierce or bending backwards and growling. Yep, Tyra may be complete bullshit. I know! Who knew?

Over at Caroline's, the same argument is dragging on. Albie is still upset that Vinnie is dating Lauren, so they decide to have a chat meathead-to-meathead while Lauren and Caroline pretend nothing is happening. Some extremely tall bearded gentleman joins their conversation, and they all agree that Vinnie should bring Lauren flowers. Everyone shakes hands, and Lauren and Vinnie leave. The end.

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Real Housewives of New Jersey

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