Real Housewives of New Jersey
Gobblefellas

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Lady Lola: D | Grade It Now!
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Overcooked Turkeys

Previously: Lauren was the only child left in the Manzo nest, while Bratshley was trying to jump out of the Laurita nest. Teresa and her brother Joe began planning their competing Thanksgiving celebrations and wondered whether they should even be contact with each other in the future.

Melissa and Joe drive to the market to pick up supplies for Tacky Thanksgiving #1. Joe naturally takes the opportunity when he and Melissa are inspecting some pork butt to slap the aforementioned butt and tell the butcher that he's an ass man. And an asshole, hey-oh! Melissa says she always has a huge, Italian Thanksgiving with her whole family. The notable exception this year will, of course, be Teresa. Melissa micromanages Joe, who is like a kid in the candy store and wouldn't know anything about grocery shopping anyway because, as he reminds us, that's woman's work.

Meanwhile, Teresa and her husband Juicy Joe drive out to the turkey farm to pick up their turkey. Juicy has to clarify for Teresa that Thanksgiving is not an Italian holiday. Then they have some hijinx where they get lost in the rain.

Elsewhere, Kathy prepares the desserts for Melissa's celebration, including tiramisu, as her husband Rich wonders whether Teresa will be there. Kathy suspects no, saying it would be "interesting," which is apparently the "it is what it is" of 2011. But the real question is, what will be this season's new "prostitution whore"? I'm tinkling my fingers in anticipation! Kathy says she doesn't normally spend Thanksgiving with family, and Rich thinks that hanging out with the Giudice-Gorgas has been a nightmare lately. The situation spirals downward as Kathy burns some of her desserts. She admits she was shaken up by her conversation with Caroline and is concerned about maintaining her reputation. As Kathy goes off the rails, Rich snarks, "Now I know where Teresa gets her attitude from."

Speaking of whom, Teresa and Juicy are still lost somewhere en route to the turkey farm. As they quibble over directions, Juicy jokes that he's going to be beating Teresa with the turkey and sticking her in the oven by the time Thanksgiving's over. They finally reach the store, where they're allowed to meet the turkey before it's slaughtered for them. The experience is somewhat diminished by the fact chicken and turkey coops literally smell like shit. Despite the fact that the turkey farmer assures Teresa that the turkeys are unaware of their gruesome fates, Teresa thinks the turkeys have devised some sort of grim communication system to warn their comrades of their impending doom. Too bad we humans aren't that sophisticated, or else someone could have told Danielle about the table flip heard round the world. But then where would reality TV be? The lesson? Turkeys are smarter than us. At least if you ask Teresa. Not satisfied to sentence a turkey to its fowl (har har) end, Teresa opts to buy a turkey that was butchered the day before, and the Giudices pay for it with cash.

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Real Housewives of New Jersey

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