Real Housewives of New Jersey
Hair-Binger of Doom

Episode Report Card
admin: C | 13 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Penny Lame

Previously on Masterpiece Presents: The Real Housewives of New Jersey: Death. Destruction. Tummy tucks. Test kitchens. Fucking Kim D. and some lady named Jan. Dr. V. calling Teresa a dumb-ass. Me questioning my life choices every time I sit down to recap this show.

We enter at the Gorga house, where Teresa has come for a visit with the kids. Antonia wants to take Milania down to see the studio, so it can finally be demolished for good. Teresa tells Melissa that she's coming out with a hair product line and asked her Twitter followers to help name it, and of course they chose "Milania" because Milania is an inspiration to all humans. I personally would have gone with "Hooker (Not a Cooker)," which is also coincidentally the name of my new album. Teresa tells us that the hair care line is part of her emerging empire, and it's refreshing that Melissa is being so supportive. And really, say what you will but Teresa's hair nearly always looks fabulous. I hope they let her use the products in jail.

Melissa then shows Teresa the mock-up of her book cover, and asks if she likes it. Teresa gives a very mumbly, "…uh…yeah" in response. In an interview, Teresa says that Melissa looks beautiful on the cover, but given that Love Italian Style (YES, THAT IS THE NAME OF THE BOOK) is all about the perfect marriage, she wonders where Joe is. Melissa asks if Teresa got to choose her own covers. Teresa says that she did, but got the whole family involved. Teresa's judg-i-ness does not go unnoticed by Melissa, who just wishes that everyone could be supportive. She then questions aloud the oddness of all sorts of rumors about her marriage swirling about just when she's coming out with this book of "sexy life, loyal wife" advice. The rumors even made it to the cover of Life & Style. If these bitches would just stop paying attention to the tabloids, their lives would be so much more peaceful.

Anyway, Melissa is upset about the accusations which she says are untrue, and Teresa tells her to just ignore them and they'll go away. You know, like how you do with your taxes. Melissa tells us that she doesn't want to accuse anyone of anything (lies!) but she and Teresa weren't particularly tight when Tre went to dinner with Kim D., Jan, and the ever mysterious Penny. That was the dinner, you may recall, when the affair rumor surfaced on camera. She still doesn't trust Teresa, which is probably wise. Teresa is on to her game of half-accusations, and when Melissa asks if she's a cheater, Teresa pauses, shakes her head, and says, "Nope." God, who even cares at this point.

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Real Housewives of New Jersey

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