Real Housewives of New Jersey
High Tide, Low Blow

Episode Report Card
Rachel Stein: C | Grade It Now!
Neither Fabulous Nor Delicious

Rich is grill master and makes a few sex jokes. Melissa and Kathy are like, can we try not to cause a ton of drama with Teresa tomorrow? They talk about Teresa being on the cover of Reality Trash talking about Joe going to jail and all of the other extremely personal details of her life that she always talk about to anyone who will listen. More "She's a jealous person!" until Kathy's mom is like, "ENOUGH!" Rosie cracks everyone up, because she is a treasure.

Can we please make a pact not to watch Don't Be Tardy for the Wedding? We can beat this thing together.

Teresa is giving us parenting advice as she tells Gia that she has to wear a helmet while riding a bike and makes the girls put on sun screen because of the "Trombone Layer." Just kidding, she says Ozone. I just need some way to spice that segment up, and Joe barely opened his mouth the whole time.

We finally all meet up at the beach. The cousins take pictures together, Rosie plays nice to Teresa and Rich talks about his wife being hot in the grossest way possible. Teresa gets really emotional around Melissa's daughter, and Rich is seriously like, dark as a leather couch right now. And oh my Godddd we are never going to stop talking about how dumb Teresa's book is and how awful her marriage is. I mean, I know it's true but STOP THE MADNESS!

Caroline, Lauren and Jacqueline are on a powerwalk, talking about politics and the state of the country and just kidding, it's about Teresa and how she's probably threatened by Caroline. Jacqueline pronounces Giudice as "Judy-chey." She then shifts the conversation to Trashley, and how she and Chris have reached their breaking point with her. She expresses sadness for not being ogled by a busy construction worker and the editing monkeys would have us believe that a trio of dogs then immediately begin barking in her direction.

Shore. Wearing her cowboy hat, Teresa sits down with Joe and he's immediately like, "I read the In Touch magazine..." and Teresa backfires in Italian, "Don't say anything, don't go there. Don't say anything." He's all, "I'm your brother no matter what." She talks about the week Juicy went "away" (to jail, the subtitles tell us), and expresses frustration that Joe wasn't there for her during that time. Joe points out that every time he reaches out to Teresa, she freaks out. She counters by... mildly freaking out. He THs that Teresa is in serious denial. The conversation continues to be uncomfortable, and there's more of the "let's be honest and nice to each other" that we all know isn't going to happen. He brings up the evil, "If there was a richer guy..." quote and it's obvious that nothing is going to get done because Teresa loves running her mouth and cannot apologize for shit.

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Real Housewives of New Jersey




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