Real Housewives of New Jersey
Horse Whisper to a Scream

Episode Report Card
admin: A+ | 16 USERS: A-
YOU GRADE IT
Wyatt Explains It All

Previously on Masterpiece Presents: The Real Housewives of New Jersey: Joe Gorga had the genius idea to take the whole cast on a spa trip to Arizona, so that they could terrorize a new state. There was a cleansing ceremony in which Al opted out, and a medium put Kathy back in touch with her dead father. Melissa and Jacqueline were willing to give Teresa another chance but remained suspicious of her, and when Teresa made a casual comment about karma coming back on her kids Jacqueline found herself simmering with yet another bout of barely suppressed rage.

We enter with shots of prickly cacti, and Melissa saying to Joe that she's starting to feel a little bit better. But she doesn't want any woo-woo ceremonies. Rather, she's down for a cocktail by the pool. Enough with the healing already! Let's get drunk and fight like we always do! Meanwhile, Jacqueline and Chris have breakfast on their own, and Jacqueline talks about how Teresa is being suspiciously nice. She then recounts the comment about how if karma doesn't come back to you for the nasty things you do, it's going to come back to your kids. Chris gets an edge to his voice as he wonders if Teresa is referring to Nick, which would of course be a horrendously shitty thing to do. He interviews that he's not sure if Teresa is being malicious or if she's just a dumb-ass ignoramus. I'd guess a little of column A, a little of column B. Then Teresa sneaks up on them, as does Joe Gorga. They're off to do "something with horses." BOY ARE THEY EVER.

Cut to Purple Sage Ranch, which I can tell by the name is run by too many fucking hippies. Rich says that it smells refreshing as Juicy says it smells like shit, proving that one man's shit is another man's sarcasm. The crew meets cowboy-hatted horse guy Wyatt Webb, whose official title is "equine therapist." He quickly tells them that they're not putting their stocky thumb bodies on any of his horses today. The horses whinny a thank you. The Jersey-ites don't know what they're in for, but Chris volunteers first to do whatever they're doing. In this case, it has something to do with the horse's feet, and he's going to have to clean out the hoof. Juicy instantly says he's not doing that, and Teresa notes that animals can turn on you. If I were a horse, I sure would give these degenerates at least one swift kick, on behalf of the universe. Wyatt explains that none of what they are doing has anything to do with the horse -- he's just a helper. But he responds to one thing -- authenticity. And when you're less than authentic, he can pick it up. So…what does that even mean? Wyatt explains. Kind of. Energy is the horse's language, and because Chris came to him unguarded, he could clean the hoof with no problem. What? It kind of makes no sense, but Wyatt is very convincing about it all.

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Real Housewives of New Jersey

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