Real Housewives of New Jersey
Hot Tub of Sour Grapes

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Toast and Jam

Oh God, and then Teresa comes out of her room, all snotty-voiced, and tells Caroline that she never, ever wrote one bad thing about her in a magazine. She's concocting some scheme about how to prove this to Caroline, but Caroline announces that it's over. Teresa walks off, muttering that Caroline is a see you next Tuesday. Once she's gone, Caroline AGAIN notes that she's completely finished with Teresa. Well, good, I'm glad that's final since she's seemed to be on the fence about it for all seventeen episodes of this season. Then she tells Melissa and Kathy that she heard lots of terrible stuff about them over the years, but when she actually met them they were great, and everything about Teresa's psycho nature clicked into place. Melissa asks what Teresa said about her, but Caroline doesn't want to go there. Well if that were true, she wouldn't have brought it up. Ha, and then in an interview, she tells us that Teresa called Melissa a gold-digger, whore, family-wrecker, and copycat who was once a stripper. Well, it's a good thing Melissa will never hear that. Melissa pledges to stay out of it, and Caroline asks Melissa to tell her if their relationship ever causes trouble in the family.

As Caroline continues to go on, Joe gathers Melissa to go to bed, and says that they're also going to change their flights. He's on Team Teresa, because she's his sister, and he's going to back her up and make sure she gets home safely. As Lauren and Christopher comfort Caroline, Albert is legitimately snoozing and Jacqueline is still pretending. Oh God, and then Kathy goes into Teresa's room to say that she didn't mean to start this shitshow, and they talk about the face-grabbing and how Kathy just wanted Teresa and Caroline to make up. Teresa says she just wants to get away from this bullshit and see her kids. Kathy doesn't want Teresa to put her walls up so high, excluding others but also trapping herself. Melissa argues that everyone is good people while they pack.

Caroline then reflects on her range of emotions during the night. She was worried for Kathy, confused about Jacqueline, and just generally angry. And then we hear Caroline crying behind closed doors in her bedroom. She characterizes this as a mental breakdown. That ship has sailed, right? As the Giudices roll their suitcases out the door, Melissa says, "You sons of bitches better remember who backed you up." Teresa tells us that she didn't ask Joe to change his flight, but it warmed her heart that he did. If the tables were turned, she'd do the same thing, because you never go against family. Except when you do. P.S., Joe Giudice is wasted, the end.

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Real Housewives of New Jersey

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