And then everyone freaks out because they have no cell phone service and can't tweet nasty things to or about each other for two days. They drive further into the woods and encounter hillbilly hitchhikers. Teresa fears the same crazy psycho lunatics who give me hope that no one makes it out alive. Except, maybe Lauren Manzo makes it out alive, just so we can have a sequel. Everyone basically thinks that Chris and Jacqueline are the worst vacation planners ever. It turns out that Casini Ranch is deserted. EXCEPT FOR THE DEMENTED LUNATIC WHO ROAMS THE WOODS AT NIGHT! Oh, wait, that's just Joe Giudice. Rich, Chris and Juicy go to the local store, which is not the most well-stocked establishment except in the areas of mood rings and Wiffle Ball. So, everyone is going to starve. It's not my preferred method of death for this cast, but I'll take it. Vito looks like he might cry, and that he's actually considering if you can cook and eat a Wiffle Ball bat.
But wait! There is actually a ton of food! It looks really good too. How did that even happen? In any case, Lauren starts to nag Vito, and then Chris tells her to join the Wakile RV permanently. Kathy is not sure how she feels about that. And then Lauren stomps off. Caroline says, "I can't help crazy, Christopher." Then everyone tells Lauren that she's oversensitive, which she is. You'd think all the food would make her happy and mellow! But no. Then everyone laughs at her and she goes and locks herself in the RV. Caroline makes the most motherly statement of all time by saying, "Lauren locked herself in it because she's an asshole." She then explains that Lauren feels left out, pushed out and not good enough in so many ways. Gee, I wonder why she would ever get that impression. Vito is the only person who loves Lauren enough to check in on her, and she explains to him that she only wants to have a relationship with her brothers, and all they do is act nasty toward her. Ditto for Caroline, as we have seen. I'm frankly surprised that she hasn't tried to guilt Lauren into eating only tree leaves for the duration of their vacation.
The next day, Lauren has finally gotten over it, at least temporarily, and has decided not to ruin everyone else's trip. Bad choice, Lauren. If she were smart, she'd join forces with the demented lunatic roaming the woods and wipe out all of her problems in memorable fashion. In any case, the group is going canoeing. Joe Gorga of course likes to go canoeing in his underwear. As the canoe guides point out some sort of river ticks, Melissa reminds us how much she hates nature and this trip in particular. It does seem like a very shitty trip. I guess this canoeing adventure is kind of like bumper cars, and you can also shoot water with river ticks in it at your fellow canoe-ers. Caroline and Albert make a point of canoeing off away from these dumb-asses so they can actually enjoy a peaceful afternoon on the river. And then a tick bit them and they died, the end.