Real Housewives of New Jersey
If This RV Is a Rockin'

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The Not So Great Outdoors

There are claims that Joe Gorga is too wasted to surf. Does the smell of Chianti draw sharks? If so, just push him in the water and forget your worries. Melissa intended to surf, but the water is too cold for her princessy taste. So she just sits there in her sequined bikini and lets Teresa and Kathy be the sole female surfers. Teresa bangs her toe somehow, but the water soon numbs it. Or maybe a shark came and nibbled it off, like it was a chicken nugget?

Anyway, once everyone is out of the water there's a lot of horseplay on the beach. Chris assures us that Jacqueline has a very hot body, and as a thank you Jacqueline humps him a little in front of everybody. And then Joe Giudice steps on Joe Gorga's flippers and makes him fall face-first in the sand. We are assured that everyone is having a spectacular time.

Back in the RV at night, Teresa's ankle is killing her. No one really cares, because they're too busy watching Joe Giudice hold a giant sausage up to his junk, and Joe Gorga actually flashing his own man parts. The endless debate over which Joe's penis is bigger shall not be determined tonight, as Joe Giudice has a policy of only flashing his junk to WOMEN. For good measure, Melissa hikes up Teresa's dress and slaps her butt a bunch, then tells us how much she enjoys fondling. Kathy eventually comes into the RV and becomes the first person to give even half a shit about Teresa's swollen ankle. As she's inspecting it, Nurse Melissa comes over and hikes Teresa's dressy up above her cooch, because she's really helpful in an emergency medical type of situation.

Kathy convinces Teresa to hobble outside and join everyone else at the fire pit. Chris announces that tomorrow everyone will go to Casini Ranch, which entails a drive over the Golden Gate Bridge. Joe Giudice has never heard of the Golden Gate Bridge. Someone should tell him that it's in the country of San Francisco. Oh no, and then someone suggests truth or dare. Albie first dares Joe Gorga to knock on the door of a neighboring RV in his underwear and ask if they have any fruit. You know how reluctant Joe Gorga is to take off all his clothes. There is no fruit to be had at the RV, but the very confused occupant does give him a pepper. That poor pepper does not know what it's in for. Albie then chooses truth, and Lauren asks if he fears that the two of them and Christopher will wind up in some sort of wacky feud as is the custom amongst the people of New Jersey. Albie is actually looking forward to getting some distance between himself and these degenerates.

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Real Housewives of New Jersey




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