Real Housewives of New Jersey
In the Name of the Father

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Five Guys Named Joe

BJ is still wondering from the sidelines what just went down when Teresa decides to check on her father, he of the double-bypass. Somewhere in between the second or third time CMJ declares of the Giudice family, "They are shit," they decide to leave -- though BJ is threatening to crack CMJ's skull the entire way over the wailing protestations of Gia. Teresa attends to her father as Joey #4 calms down CMJ by taking him to the bar. Greeeeeat idea. Melissa is still in shock that things turned to such a shambles.

Down in the kitchen, CMJ complains that he's endured 10 years of abuse since Teresa married BJ. He mourns the day when he thought he and BJ were cousins and says the pain his father doesn't know is that the Giudices have brought so much negativity into his father's mind. He runs off to find his father and rant about how BJ is garbage. At which point Giacinto Gorga is probably translating the idiom for "Pot, kettle" from Italian. They speak in the native tongue as CMJ tries to convince his father they have the same character. He interviews that his father is his hero, and it breaks his heart to see him being influenced by another man.

Teresa and BJ finally leave, with BJ still spewing threats the whole way. Back inside, CMJ calls his mother cold, and Giacinto responds harshly, "Out of 100 mothers, you have only one. Never forget that." CMJ tells him not to forget that he is his son. Giacinto screams, "And I'm proud of you!" When CMJ continues to throw a fit, Giacinto changes his tune, telling him to cry to his mother, saying "You only think about yourself." So CMJ roars at his father some more. Which, I understand the passionate Italian temperament, but if you're concerned with your father's heart, stop screaming in his face like a homicidal maniac. As everyone departs the shitshow party, Kathy sages, "We can't go back and change what happened. All we can do is move forward and see how we're going to fix it. A broken family is awful. War has lots of casualties." Says Rich, "Welcome to Jersey."

This season: Melissa is a singer in the vein of Jo De La Rosa, including but not limited to outfits that Teresa dismisses as ones she would have worn when she was 17. Everyone goes for an island getaway in which the men dress up as Village People, Caroline dresses up as an extra from Rock of Ages, and Kathy makes it rain (in the hip-hop sense). CMJ dresses up like Snooki, and I am blinded. Kathy questions the designation of BJ as "Juicy Joe" -- "He's a little dried up if you ask me." Christmas comes to Jersey, and Melissa brings the drama. Lauren feels like the left out Manzo. Bratshley reunites with her father. Kathy faces a cancer scare. And, in the blood war between the Giudices and the Gorgas, it's every man for himself.

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Real Housewives of New Jersey

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