Real Housewives of New Jersey
It’s My Party and I’ll Fight If I Want To

Episode Report Card
Potes: B | 3 USERS: B-
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The Hairy Grille of Life

We then join Juicy and Gia on a little father-daughter gelato date. Juicy is taking his once-yearly parental duties very seriously, and tells Gia that she should be spending more time with her family. In response, Gia notes that Milania says the stupidest things. Stupidest, or most awesome? Don't get it twisted, Gia. Gia then drops the fact that Milania told her she has a hairy grille. There are a lot of confused looks, and eventually Juicy says, "It's part of puberty." And that, apparently, is the perfect segue into the birds and bees talk. Gia is appropriately embarrassed. And then as if things couldn't get grosser, Teresa explains that she wanted Joe to give this little birds and bees talk because Gia walked in on them. As if they still have sex! Nice try. Juicy explains to Gia that he needs to talk to her about serious matters like boys and smoking, because she's growing up. She says that, after seeing what Nono's going through, she'll never smoke. And then they call each other midgets, and it's all very touching.

Back at Jacqueline's, the ladies talk with Joe about Caroline's sit-down with Teresa, and Caroline explains that though Teresa was immovable on the issues of Jacqueline and Kathy, she still has softer feelings about Joe. She wants to make peace with Joe, and would be willing to meet with him. Caroline doesn't tell Joe that Teresa thinks he needs to make an apology, because when in doubt you should always take the most deceptive and dramatic route. She says that she doesn't want Nono to die without Joe feeling that he's done all he can to reconcile with his sister. And, spoiler alert, Nono doesn't actually die during this episode.

And then it's time for a fun driving lesson with Aunt Rosie! Yes, Rosie has encouraged Joseph to steal his father's Ferrari and is teaching him how to drive in a reckless manner that is attractive to chicks. It's raining, and Joe has to make a left across two lanes of traffic. This...is not safe. They return home, and Kathy and Richie do NOT look pleased. Rosie and Joseph both crack up, which only further enrages the Wakiles. Except it turns out Richie actually isn't even mad at all. He loves a good joyride. So Kathy now gets to be mad at Richie too. And then he cracks on her hat! I'm just waiting for a nose job comment.

Cut to Teresa and Juicy driving. It turns out that Nono is sick. Shocker! Juicy suggests getting him a plastic bubble, with some sort of tube to the outside for the delivery of wine. Perhaps he'd be interested in a hyperbaric chamber bed? They could rig it up like a Capri Sun pouch. Teresa's mother, Antonia, calls, saying that Nono couldn't breathe during the night and then went to the hospital. He has pneumonia, and Teresa explains that if and when her dad is sick, she drops everything. It turns out that Antonia called Joe Gorga in the middle of the night, but he was sick too with a fever and whatnot. We cut to Joe coughing in his house, and saying to Melissa that he had some soup and it came right out of his ass. Charming! Joe talks about his dad being in the hospital, and Melissa tells him he should be sure NOT to go and visit his dad, what with all of his nasty ass-soup germs. Melissa says that maybe she and daughter-Antonia will go. Back in the car with Teresa, Juicy says that one of these times, her dad isn't going to come out of it. This makes Teresa upset, and seemingly willing to redouble her efforts to reconnect with her brother. Back at the Gorga's, Melissa is put off by the fact that Caroline is sticking her nose into their bid-ness, but also wants to get to the point where the family can be civil. She mentions the invite to Gia's birthday party, and Joe quickly says that he doesn't want to be there. Melissa prods him a little, but Joe says he's not ready to be around Teresa and Juicy. Though if he did, I'm sure it would be satisfying to direct some ass-soup their way.

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Real Housewives of New Jersey

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