Real Housewives of New Jersey
It’s My Party and I’ll Fight If I Want To

Episode Report Card
admin: B | 3 USERS: B-
The Hairy Grille of Life

We then join Melissa and Kathy at the same gym where Teresa worked out at the beginning of the episode. Melissa bounces her way through a class as Kathy complains and wishes she was making some sort of delectable dessert or yelling at her entire family again. Afterwards, they talk about Nono's pneumonia and hospital stay. Melissa tells Kathy about Joe's ass-soup sickness, as well as her own "sore throat" that comes and goes, with the implication that they are both too sick to go to the hospital. But not too sick to go to the gym! Kathy is not buying it. We cut to Teresa sharing her feelings about her father with that hag Kim D., and remembering Caroline's prescient warning that her father could die without seeing his children reconciled. She tells us that if Joe comes to Gia's party, it would mean the world to her, and not just because of her dad -- she wants it to be real or nothing.

Jacqueline joins Kathy and Melissa at the gym, though is wearing nothing resembling workout gear. It turns out that she doesn't typically drive on the highway when she doesn't know where she's going, and also doesn't like to work out in public. Melissa wonders what's up with all of her disorders. I'm sure it's nothing that a hyperbaric chamber bed can't fix. Oh boy, and then we realize that Linda, the person Teresa was talking to at the beginning of the episode, is the friend who gave Kathy shit about her dessert recipes last season. The ladies think that she's spying, and KNOW that she's a skinny bitch. Ha! And then we see Linda call Teresa (who is still with Kim D.) to give the report on Jacqueline, Melissa and Kathy's activity at the gym. First she insults Jacqueline's fat ass, proving that Jacqueline's workout-in-public disorder is well founded. Teresa and Kim D. cackle, and then Kim asks about Kathy's fat ass. Linda confirms that it is, indeed, fat. She adds that not one of those bitches works out at this particular gym, and Teresa tells us that the gym is 45 minutes away from Jacqueline's house. So....I guess it's all a scheming plan of some sort? To what end, I do not know. Teresa reports that Melissa hasn't gone to the hospital yet, and though she pretends to others that she has affection for the Gorga parents, it's straight up bullshit. Kim D. thinks it's all terrible. Not as terrible as her face, though. Nothing is as terrible as her face.

And then Caroline pulls up to her own home to find a pig. And no, it's not the return of Danielle Staub. It's a literal pig, and sister Fran is feeding it. Apparently the pig is one in a long line of animals that Fran has brought to Caroline's. Christopher is on the scene, and says that the scariest thing about the introduction of Moo Shu (for that is the pig's name) is that it's not at all surprising. It turns out that Fran is pig sitting. Man, where do I sign up for a pig sitting gigs? I love pigs! Look at Moo Shu adorably chewing strawberries! Anyway, if you're in the market for a pig sitter, hit me up at potesypotes[at] Caroline wonders how she'll hide the new porcine addition to the family from Al, then decides that they should stay in Hoboken for a few nights. Christopher isn't so sure about the Dr. Doolittle-ifying of his childhood home, and Caroline admits that there was a nine foot python in the basement for a while. Then Fran's little dog pees on the floor. Caroline loves Fran and says that as a vet tech she can't afford to leave the elder Manzo nest quite yet. And keeping Al from finding out about Moo Shu is the only way to ensure that they won't all be put on the rotisserie.

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Real Housewives of New Jersey




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