Teresa, Teresa, Teresa. Karma is a bitch and if you spend all your time bragging about how much money you spend on your precious angels and their ATV needs, eventually the economic downturn will come a-callin'. If you haven't seen the news, it turns out that the granite and marble business doesn't pay nearly as well as one would suspect. In fact, in recent court documents, Joe Giudice claims to only make $3,250 a month salary from the interior decorative rock business. And since Teresa spends that much on tutus for her little ballerina troupe, Joe has been taking over $10,000 a month in loans from his family. I think we can all agree that this "family" is probably more cosa nostra than Addams Family. Yet even the most supportive family can't sustain this sort of tithing and obviously something has to give. So the Giudices filed for bankruptcy protection. They claim to make only $79,000 a year, which is a lot for some people, but clearly can't support the Nieman Marcus-pink limousine-Armani jean shorts-Gucci stemware-mini ATV-granite-encrusted palace lifestyle. The Giudices have been living so beyond their means that they owe a whopping $11 million to various creditors and the marble mausoleum they call home has been foreclosed on. Take a breath and yell: ELEVEN MILLION!???!!!! What is wrong with these people? Where is Susan Powter to yell: STOP THE PINK LIMOUSINE INSANITY. But wait! According to the court documents, THEY DIDN'T ACTUALLY PAY FOR THE PINK LIMOUSINE. Nor for their Escalade, their $1.7 million home, nor for the fertility clinic. Personally I thought Joe was a one-man Ed Hardy-wearing fertility clinic, but just like everything else on this show, Joe's virility is a CHARADE. And now they owe $12,000 to a fertility clinic. Anyway, it's all rather revolting considering Teresa spent half of last episode gloating over how much money she threw at her daughters to make them happy.
Teresa is taking Gia to an audition in the hopes that maybe baby can foot the bills for a while. Gia is strangely not that excited to be trying out for a part in a Christian Slater movie. Gosh, Gia might actually be on to something with that, since poor Christina Slater hasn't been in a successful movie since he was cast in an uncredited role in Austin Freaking Powers. So Teresa, lie to yourself all you want that this is a great part for your little Gypsy Rose, but DON'T THINK YOU'RE FOOLING US. We're on to you, missy! Teresa drives Gia to her audition and then sits in the waiting room whipping out her penis and measuring it with all the other parents. While Teresa is boasting about Gia's brilliance, inside the audition, Gia is flailing. Ha ha ha! Look! What Teresa is saying doesn't match reality! Ha ha ha!